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I’m just not ready.

It’s not you, it’s me.

I need to date around.

I am scared of commitment.

Awwww, Jen…you are so…

Cute. And nice. And FUN. I get that a lot. Fun. Ya, fun. Fun is a big one. Fun seems to be the top of list. Then they move it along, ya know? Right before I see them out with the next girl at the movies. Or with the fiancé at Starbucks. Or I hear from a mutual friend that he’s dating a “really great girl” from the country club. Yup. That’s the one. I’m fucking fun. And then, he’s gone. What is it about me? I seem to be “that” girl. The one before the keeper. The closer so to speak. I’m the girl BEFORE the commitment. WTF is this bullshit, huh? Why am I always the one that leads the guy to the love of his life? I am never, ever the longterm relationship girl. Nope, not me. I’m FUN JEN. Sweet.

You won’t even believe this ok? But in the last month, three of my “exs” have circled-back around. ha. I am not kidding. They have actually come back to me after breaking up with their “one”. I can’t make this shit up. I swear to you. And like an asshole, I have taken their calls. Ring ring. (that’s the phone) And I pick up. (Fool! Don’t answer!) And I even went out with one of them, and listened to the fucking sob story. After he picked that bitch over me! Do you know how degrading that is? OMG. They choose those stupid, mean…bitchy girls over me, and I am dumb enough to actually entertain this crap? And wanna hear the worst, I actually felt bad. I sat across the table and felt sorry for the guy. Wasn’t it his own fault he didn’t pick me? Rhetorical. But what do they really expect? If I wasn’t the right fit the first time around, what makes them think I will be this time? I’m so sure. Let’s just revisit this. Maybe I’ve changed. Maybe he will like me better. Or I am more fab, or less of something else? Let’s give it one more go, just for shits and giggles? Jesus. What does that say about me. And him…

But wait, it gets worse. I bought dinner.

He was so cute. And he was sweet. So I bought him dinner.

I was an idiot. But hey! At least I didn’t fuck him. Aren’t you so proud of me? Go Jen. I kept my legs closed. And that my friends, was the ultimate bitch-slap. I walked out of the restaurant, gave him a hug-er-roo, and got into my car. And then, he started blowing up my phone. And wait for it….

I still said no.

Mr. Day-Late-Dollar-Short is still wondering where he went wrong. And I am taking full advantage of it. Damn that boy. We had a great time together way back when. We were awesome. And let me tell you, I was effin’ floored when I heard he was engaged. Like really? He was “noncommittal”! He was “not ready to date”. He was totally into me-not into me. Damn him. And now, here he is…after a year with the bimbo, blowing up my phone. Telling me I’m the hottest thing since Kate Upton in a string bikini. Sending me kissy-winky-lippy-faces, and asking me out for drinks. Hmmmm. What’s a girl to do? Playing second fiddle to the one he chose over moi. What a dumbass. You picked the wrong gal, sucka! But I’m not bitter. I’m just fine….

And I’m not gonna bite. Not this time, I am moving on. Although, I did text him today. What? I was bored. Bored is bad. Bored causes problems. Bored is the devil for girls like me. Yawwwwnnn. Ya know what else I do when I’m bored? I blog. Blogging whilst bored is bad for me…but oooohhhh so good for you. ;)

xo j

  • Scout

    Ya learn sotmnhieg new everyday. It’s true I guess!

  • Robyn

    I thin you are awesome.
    Xoxox r