Kiss the day goodbyyyyyeeee!
The sweetness and the sorrow….
We did what we had to dooooo!!!
Ugh. Now I’m singing on here. A Chorus Line.
What I did for LOOOOOVVEEEE!!!!
What I did for looooovveee….
Kill me now. I surely can be stopped. Are you puking in your mouth?
What I did for….
There. I just had to have my BIG finish. My ending. The last word. I had to have it.
But let me be frank. Have I ever not been?
Do you have any frickin’ idea what I’ve done for love lately?
Where do I start? I feel like a list is in order. Or bullet points. Jesus, I can’t even believe what a girl has to do now-a-days to get a little lovin’! Forget respect. Or a husband. I’m just talking about someone to be sweet, or kind…or a man to notice me. As I was getting my Brazilian wax yesterday, and I had my knees pulled up to my chest…I was thinking about it. Wait, that’s a flat out lie. I wasn’t thinking about what I have to do to get a man. I was thinking about the poor girl waxing my ass. And if my feet smelled. And how could she do this job?! omg. HOW? Why would anyone want to put hot wax on another woman’s vagina, and then riiipppp off the hair? That’s what I was thinking. I was trying not to cry, and really hoping that the four Advil I took at lunch would start to kick in. Holy shit, the pain. I left the place, after tipping the bitch that almost tore off my labia…and thought, my day can only go up from here.
Do you think men actually know what we do for them? The pain, and agony we endure. The tweezing, and waxing. The plucking. The fixing, and primping. All of it. For them. Because Goddess knows, it ain’t for the 6th Grade Mom’s Lunch Bunch! Shout out, Girls!! HOLLA! We had the best time the other day, but I’m not waxing my Myrtle for them. No siree! It’s all for the men we are trying to impress. And the shaving our legs. And the coloring our hair. Now, the dressing…it’s totally for the other women. But the rest, for the men. Honestly. I have had more women message me in the last few months, begging me to do a blog about what REAL women do! Well, ladies…here it is. All women do this crap for our men.
Now, let me ask the question… ready?
Do you actually think the MEN in our lives care what we look like? Do you think they actually care if our vajay-jays are covered with hair like a jungle brush? Isn’t the 70’s Disco Bush back in style? Whoop Whoop! Or if our legs feel like sandpaper? Hmmmm. I mean, don’t they love us anyways? They just want to have sex, right? And at night… when we are exhausted, isn’t a hole, just a hole? They just put it in, and we watch paint dry. And we all go…to..sleeep. Snoore. Blahhh Blahh.. Blah. Snooze. Drool. Sex is great. not.
LADIES!!! Are you kidding me? Get out those Daisy Razors and let’s get to work! Or how about a little laser hair removal? Pain is beauty, girls. If I can wax my vag, anyone can. Ok, that’s a lie. I actually know girls that have left after getting one side done, but they are pussies. Pun totally intended. That is the second “lie” I’ve told today on The Truth Hurvitz. Crap. That is not good for biz. ha. Now, I’m not saying that guys don’t love a natural woman. I’m sure they do. In fact, besides my fake tits, and nose…and tummy tuck, I’m as natural as they get. Like Heidi Montag on a good day. Shit. And trust me, I never thought I’d be getting naked again for another man, other than Mark. How about those bananas? Or is it them apples? Whatever. I have scars. And wrinkles. And fat. And I hate it. But it’s life. And the show must go on…
But I am trying this time around. I am actually learning from my mistakes. I fell into that “marriage rut” with Mark. I let myself go. I was always sleeping in sweats and a t-shirt. And I never shaved. I got all porky. And lost myself. Dangit! I was a mess! Not this time, baby! Ladies, sleep naked! Can you try it? I’m not saying every night. But maybe on the weekends? Lock the bedroom door. Who cares if the kids knock in the morning!! Fuck ’em. Put a bowl of Kibble in their cribs, they’ll be fine! Screw your husbands! Shave your legs during the day, while the kids are at school….and fuck your hubbies! The things we do for LOVE, should be making love to our spouses! And kissing our boyfriends. Kissing. Remember that? When you used to kiss. I love kissing. Spend a night just kissing. Fun. Sigh. Smooch. I used to put this white face mask on… and Mark would be like, “What the hell, Jen?” Ya. Like who would want to have sex with a girl with a white face? LOL. Sorry, Mark. Woulda, coulda…shoulda.
What we do for love.
It’s not too late. Figure out what you want out of your love life. What you need from your partner. Is it intimacy? Do you like the partnership you have? If you are missing a sexual connection… don’t let it slip so far away, that it’s unreachable. Ya know? Talk about it. Find it. Whether it’s the relationship you’re in now, or one you want to find. Do what you have to do, to get the lovin’ you want. Now, you do get the point, right? It’s not about the Brazilian wax, or the hairy jungle bush. It’s all about the commitment you make to the relationship… and what you do for love. Although, if you ask me, I think every man should manscape his “area”. It’s all about what YOU do for love, boys! Now, go buy a Flobee! Or, better yet…ask your woman to shave you! R-rated, all y’all…but it’s The Truth Hurvitz! ;)