I’ve been told I’m sexy.

Hahahaa. OMG. I’m cracking up.

Sexy, like ummm…before, or after I wipe the dog shit off the floor at 3am, and it’s still under my nails when I wake up?  Or, ya mean when I’m driving the kids to school in my sweat pants, sans bra, and my hair in a ponytail…teeth unbrushed? That kinda sexy? Or is it when I’m playing football with my little dude, and I try and act super-cool, but make a catch that breaks my finger? Ya, that must be it.

Sexy. Beautiful. Hot.

Not.

But it’s life, and it’s what we do as Moms. We try do our daily shiz, and we love it. We relish in it, and we are proud of it. Well, most of the time. And as I do it, I walk by the mirror every now and then, and I get a glimpse of what has real potential. I mean, I am not that bad! I clean up pretty well on a Saturday night! Sure, it’s not what it used to be. My skin is older, it’s sagging a bit. I’m looking tired. And I could use an extra syringe of Botox my next trip into the Derm, but dammit…I am turning 42 next week, and I am not that bad. I’ve seen worse. My kids say I don’t look a day over 40. ha. And Zac is starting to play with my “turkey waddle” neck, which is fucking annoying…but hell, there is cream for that! Nothing a little plastic surgery won’t fix. I’m all about a quickie nip-tuck. I have no shame.

Hmmmmm, sexy. I have to believe that sexy comes with age. And maturity. And just the way we feel inside, as opposed to what we look like on the outside. Being secure with who we are. And what we’ve got. Who cares about that extra 10lbs, if you own it…it’s yours.  I know, pretty or not, it’s all about owning a room.Sexy. Biting your lip. Sexy. Rocking a pair of high heels. Sexy. Making eye contact.Sexy. Look a guy right in the eye when you’re talking. Let him know you are in it. And you are listening to him, you want to be there. No matter what you look like, a woman who commands attention, is just the sexiest thing! Am I right? It’s not being cocky, it’s a being confident. It has nothing to do with how you look, it’s what you do with it that makes magic happen.

What about intelligence? A brain in your head. Being able to talk about Israeli peace treaties, and what happened in the Government last week. Umm, I have no fucking idea, but shit…I can read my CNN app, as easy as the next girl, before my upcoming date. Don’t be a dummy, ladies. Smart is sexy. And have a little attitude to back that brain up! If he says something stupid, call him out on it! Men are not right all the time, they love to be challenged. Trust me, if you are a “yes, yes, yess-er”, you will end up a “NO NO NO-er”.  The only time you should be “yes, yes yesssssing” is in bed. Yeesh.  Have an opinion, and voice it. Be nice, and sweet. Don’t be a snappy-bitch. But a little push-pull is a good thing! It’s called a “conversation”. And it’s sexy. Get a little riled up, show that your are passionate about what you believe in. Sexy, sexy…and sexy.

I took a little poll on sexy, and ya know what else guys have said? Attitude. Not like a Rizo from Grease attitude. Or a Barbra Streisand attitude, no way José! But a POSITIVE attitude. A good ‘ole fashioned, get up and go…here I come world attitude! SEXY AS ALL GET OUT! No one likes a Debbie Downer.  I think, and correct me if I’m wrong, men are stressed out enough at work…and the last thing they need is a negative bitch when they come home. Yes, I just said that. I am pretty darn sure my unsexy-like attitude had a ton to do with my marriage sucking so bad. So, ladies, listen to me…negativity is NOT sexy. Happy is sexy. Funny is sexy. Smiling is sexy, and just being nice is sexy. Now, I’m not saying to be Little Suzy Homemaker, and bake cookies every damn day, and drop to your knees when you hear the garage door opening…but just have a positive outlook on life. It’s sexy I guess. At least that’s what my secret panel of men have told me. No man likes a bitch.

Just remember, it’s all about the body language. The hair toss, and the giggle. Bowing your head a little when he says your beautiful. The half smile, or the wink. Placing your hand on his arm when his talking. Ya know, just paying attention. The little things. Who cares what you’re wearing…or what you ate for breakfast that day. Just own that shit. And then, excuse yourself to go to the restroom, and fall out off your stool, like I do. Ha. Or realize you had food in your teeth the entire date, when you get to your car. Be a total and complete dork, as you trip in those wicked high heels on the way to the bed. Being able to laugh at yourself….now THAT is sexy. 

Not taking yourself so seriously. And handling what life throws your way is sexy. 

Now, go get ’em girls.

And the next entry, I will be dropping the “Y”. Who is interested in being in a poll for my SEX blog? ;)

xo j

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