I have a date.

For Valentine’s Day.

I mean I had a date.

I don’t anymore…

I dumped him.

Whatever, he was a douche. I dodged a bullet! Let me explain, ok? It’s not that hard to figure out…I had a date, with this hottie. He was young, and cute. And we were supposed to be going out tomorrow night, right? But I cancelled. What? Come on…It’s too much pressure for me! I can’t do it. Shut up! You just don’t get it, it’s too much pressure to go out on a FIRST date on Valentine’s Day, ok?! Jeez0-peez-o. I just felt stressed by the whole thing, so I cancelled. I was nice about it, though. I texted him, and said it like this…

“Hi, (insert hotties name). I need to cancel for Tuesday night. I just don’t think it’s a good fit.”

I thought that was good! Look, I would’ve ghosted his ass. But I didn’t. I did the mature thing… I made up some stupid reason, and I cancelled via text. But did he respond kindly? NO siree he did not! He was a total prick. He said something rude. And mean. Downright hurtful, and immature-ish. He made some nasty-ass comment like, “How can we tell if we are a good fit via text?” OMG the nerve! Chutzpah. Balls! I totally dodged that bullet, right? Right. Phew! Yeesh. And men wonder why women choose to just do the “ghosting thing”? When you get berated for being nice…why bother at all?

He then unfriended me on Facebook, and that was that.

Well! Happy Valentine’s Day to me! I thought I was saving him the trouble…why spend the money on a girl who is clearly not ready for the pressures of a Valentine’s Day Date night. And to think, I actually thought I was doing him a favor. Oh well, so now I am free. Free with nothing to do tomorrow night. Wow. Hmmm. Well, I do have a bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups that are clearly calling my name. And a kick ass bottle of wine. I’m pretty sure that chocolate becomes non-caloric on holidays. I read that somewhere, or heard it…I think, I’ll take a bath. And maybe even watch This Is Us...OMG…YES! It’s on tomorrow night, I hope it’s not a rerun!! How great is this plan? I can’t even believe I even considered going on a fucking date!

Just so you all know, being single on Valentine’s Day is not as bad as you think. Don’t worry about me at all…not for ONE second. I don’t have to shave my legs, or my vag…or do my hair. I can sit around in my jammies, and eat my weight in chocolate. No one is all up in my shit, bugging me…and stuff. And come Wednesday morning, everything will be back to normal. The hearts, and red-crap will gone! Sigh.

Oh, and anyway…I do have a date Wednesday night. And this weekend, too. Omg. Isn’t President’s Day coming up…I can not handle the pressure of dating on President’s Day! When is that? Listen up people, don’t anyone ask me out next Monday! ;)

xo j




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