I get scrubs.

And text books.

I have a lab partner.

And I get to pack my lunch.

Oh, and I will be dissecting a pig.

But I have to get in first, I guess…

Ok, 13 correct out of 25. I mean, anyone can get 13 of these questions right, right? Wrong. Omg. It’s timed? I am really not so good at timed exams. I have test anxiety. And ADHD. No one told me that I was going to be taking an actual test today! I would have prepared. I would have studied. I would have taken my medication! Had a good breakfast, ya know? Oh good Lord, let me pass this exam, and make my children proud. I can do this. Ok, just calm down, Jennifer…and make sure you actually read the questions. The last time I did this was in high school when I took my ACTs, and I am pretty dang sure I guessed on most of it. In fact, I’m sure of it.  I was doodling on the desk, and I put “C” all the way down for most of the sections. I was not really interested in the acidic levels of fish urine. My bad. But I got into Michigan State University, and finished in four years. Ok, maybe 4 and a half. But who’s counting?

Ok, done! BAM!

So, I finished…in the allotted time, and I walked out of the room.

Sweating like Mel Gibson at a bris, I swallowed hard…and asked my academic advisor my score. She looked so proud! She smiled, and said, “Ms. Weintraub, you passed! With a score of 19!” A score of what? What did she say? A fucking 19? Like one less than 20? I obviously looked shocked, because she had a strange look on her face…that kinda matched mine. Like, WTF ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I have a degree from Michigan State University how the fuck did I barely pass this stupid test?! I had to get 13 correct to pass, and I only got 19? Jesus, I wanted to choke her. She just started going on about how thrilled she was to welcome me into the program, and I was mortified. In fact, I wanted to take it again. Yes, get me back on the computer. Time for a retest! I must have been tired. Or my mouse was rusty.

But she was already moving on to the tour. I was standing there, ready to take it again…and she was moving through the halls of the school. Like a score of 19 was acceptable? I am sorry, Miss Medical Assisting Advisor, but I will not settle for a score of 19 for my very first grade! What will my kids think of me? Will this “grade” be posted? Will it be on a curve…will it go towards my semester average, or effect the color of cord I wear on my graduation day? I couldn’t even concentrate on the tour, or what she was saying. I was just too upset. I tried to let it go…

Nineteen correct, my ass.

I am going to really have to up my game, all y’all. For the next 8 months, I’ll be dressed in purple scrubs…and white clogs. I will be carrying my Medical Assisting text book. And I will be using medical lingo that you most likely won’t understand. Don’t try, just deal. It will be difficult to be as cool as me. Don’t ask to borrow my shoes. And if you’re lucky, I will practice taking your blood pressure. Or maybe, if I really think you’re worthy…I will practice the “what meds are you currently taking” question on you. Or practice taking your temperature. These are things only a certified MA can do. Do not try them at home, ok? Leave it to the pros.

Oh, that would be me. The girl that got a fucking 19 out of 25 on her first exam. Rock on, Dr. Hurvitz. Good thing I have eight months of school ahead of me. ;)

xo j