It’s been like 2 years.
Aren’t y’all used to it by now?
I mean, booorrring!
I’m totally over it. Which is why I started a VLOG. And it is just a video version of the BLOG. Which so you know, is still my first love. I love to write, but vlogging has been around for like a decade. I’m actually quite embarrassed that I haven’t been doing it all along. I’m a total loser. Do you know how many bloggers have vlogs? Yeesh. I could have been famous by now. I mean, if that’s what I wanted to be. Famous. But it’s not really. I just want to make a living doing something I love doing. Is that so wrong? Fuck, I’m soooo sick of explaining myself, it’s exhausting. And annoying. And honestly, I’m just plain done. Whoever has a problem with me, can simply fuck off. I am done trying to please everyone.
Do you hear me, people?
I AM DONE!
Ok, enough negativity on The Truth Hurvitz. It’s giving me hives. I’m stressed and itchy from all the annoying mishegas. Unless it’s from the pineapple Starbursts I just ate. I am allergic to pineapple! Omg. But does a pineapple Starburst actually have REAL pineapple? NO. It’s that fake flavoring shit, I’m pretty sure. So, my hivey-ness is clearly a result of the stress. So, let’s talk about something more fun, and exciting! And interesting!! And AMAZING! Let’s talk about ME!!! ME! ME! MEEEE!!!! Yes, let’s talk about ME! haha. Oh lord, I’m so glad I can still make myself laugh. After the month I’ve had, its not easy. I swear, if y’all only knew what has gone on over here…you would surely plotz. You would say, “Jen, you are making it up.” But, really…no one could make this shit up. No one. Don’t worry, I’m writing a book. It’s all in a book..and it’s good shit. Its so good, a blog just can’t do it justice. You’ll just have to be patient my friends, and wait for it. Wait for it…can you? I have zero patience. Which is half the reason I get into the messes I get into! I jump into everything feet first, without thinking. I’m impulsive, and too trusting. I just think everyone is good. And real, and honest. I mean, why would anyone lie?
Well, from now on…I’m taking a big, loonnng breath before I leap. I’m going to count to 100 instead of 10. And that goes for everything I do. Every decision I make, every…single one. And Mark made me promise that I would even start doing background checks on guys. BEFORE I go on a date. Yup. Before I meet them. Or go out to dinner. I have to call Mark, and he will run a check. Awww. So sweet, right? I wish I was kidding. I know, how romantic! But fuck it. If I ever decide to date again, which is probably never…it’s worth the $45 bucks. Hey! Google isn’t enough these days, ladies! I’m telling you. Gotta background check these peeps, never know what you might find! Sigh. This one fella I was chatting with, wouldn’t give me his last name. RED FLAG! I got a little nauseous. Hairs on the back of my neck stood up. He is no longer with us. Oh, I didn’t have him offed, don’t be silly! I just deleted him from my Tinder-inbox.
I’m getting way more serious about being cautious. That’s all. No more galavanting off to different cities for dates, or meeting for dinner after sundown. I am cracking myself up. What am I, a vampire? No, I’m just going to start slowly…maybe lunch or coffee. And if a guy makes me nervous, I’m probably going to mace his ass. I bought some pepper-spray! And I put an alarm in my house. And I am going to sign up for some martial art type of class. Shit, I think I’ll buy a gun. I’ve heard some CRAZY stories lately…and I’m just upping my game. Have you noticed a little change in my tone? Shits getting real here, all y’all. Protecting myself. You guys are fucking whack with a capital WH. We might be bat-shit-cray…but hell, y’all are coo-coo!
I’ve decided to take a breather. A well-deserved break…some all-about-me time. Boys will be taking a back burner to other things in my life. My kids, my career…my new exercise regime. Omg, I just snorted, seriously I did. I shot my drink out my nose… exercise regime!! hahaha!! Ok, so maybe that’s pushing it, but I’m not going to date for awhile. I’m not. I am going to work on me. Which is what I should have done last year, before I started dating the fuckheads I dated. Maybe then I would have known what to do when they said, and did the stupid-ass shit they said, and did. I am going to go to CAMPOWERMENT next week, to find myself. Then, I’m gonna come back and finish writing my new book. And then, I’m going to produce a movie. Yes I am.
So, if you have a penis, please don’t bother me.
That’s right, NO DICKS ALLOWED!
Unless you’re hot. Or you are sweet, or nice. Or you’re a good person. Or, you have cool kiddos! Or maybe you want to go out next weekend…I love sushi! Can you kiss? I love kissing. Dammit, who’s stupid idea was this anyway? Grrrr. ;)