Age is only a number. 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

You are only as young as you feel. 

Beauty is only skin deep. 

You can’t judge a book by it’s cover. 

Love is blind….

I spent like forever, explaining these cliches to my boys. Cliches are kinda hard for kids to understand, right? They are confused by there hidden meaning, and lack of original thought. Often overused and trite. And they rarely even make much sense at all. But I use them ALL the time. Figures. I am the Queen of the Cliche. My kids are super-sick of them,  as I run around the city singing from the rooftops…those in glass houses…. or, two birds in a bush! Or my all time fave, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree! Ha. Jonah just doesn’t get them, and Zac, he just wants to kick my ass. But recently, J&Z have been interested specifically in cliches discussing “physical attributes”.  And why you ask?

Let me explain…

Well, I’m about to win “Mother of the Year”. This one is good…

I’ve let them into my world. My dating arena. Yup. I have. Oh, shut it. And stop your judging… let me finish before you start hemming and hawing. I let them join in the fun on Match. com, and JDate. Pick up your jaws. What’s done is done! I can’t un-ring the bell. ha. I’ve actually decided to let them voice their little pre-pubescent opinions, and ya know why? Because they are the most important men in my life. And they think it’s cool. So, we sit on the couch, and we read the profiles, and talk about what these yo-ho’s have written. And they see what they look like, and what they do for a living. If they have dogs, or cats. Do they have kids? Jonah is all for the kiddos. Zac, not so much. But we discuss, and talk….and they feel like they actually have a small part in what I’m doing. And I let them have a bit of input. A touch of control over this mess of a life I’ve handed them. We never make fun of the guys. we just discuss. Ok, well.. maybe we poke a little fun. We don’t like certain sunglasses. And some of the guys carrying shovels, or power tools get a chuckle.

But most importantly, I used this as an opportunity to talk about how there are different strokes for different folks. lol. And what I find attractive may not be the same thing that another person may dig. And if J thinks a girl is cute at school, it doesn’t mean that his friends will agree. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... and Jonah completely got it. Phew. A good lesson learned. My work is done here. Cliches at their finest. The Queen has spoken…

But is love really blind?  

Aren’t we really just judging these “books” by their covers? 

Do people honestly believe that beauty is more than skin deep? 

I have to vent. Duh. And share something that totally pisses me off about this dating crap. If the old cliche holds true, and people really do believe that it’s what’s inside that counts…why do these guys LIE? Why do these men post pictures of themselves from 4 years ago? Why are they so afraid to tell the truth about who they are, and where they are in their lives NOW? And it’s not just the men, I get it. It’s the women, too. But I’m only looking for men.. sorry. lol.  I call them “10-20’s”. 10 years older, and 20 lbs heavier. I heard that from a guy friend of mine, and I almost plotzed. How flippin funny is that? 10-20’s. I actually had a great guy once tell me he was “advised” by his people to lie about his age. I shit you not. His friends told him to “adjust” his age, because he looked much younger than he actually was. Come on!! How can you start a relationship based on a lie?

Now, here is the most disappointing thing that has ever happened to me, since I started this whole thing. I started talking (texting and calling) this guy from a dating site. He was funny. He was smart. And successful. Almost TGTBT. And girls, when a man is too good to be true…he usually is. Am I right? I shoulda sensed it. Or smelled his bullshit from a mile away. But no.. I was hooked. He was super-sexy. He said all the right things. Yummy. But he never asked me out. His profile pix were hot!!! He was slim, and tall. In fact, there were surfing pictures. Him on a SURF board! And it read, 175lbs, 6 feet. I was ready for our date. But first, let’s go to a little back story about me. I love men. I don’t care what they look like. And my friends from the D can attest to it. In my past.. I have dated them all. Every shape and size…as long as they make me laugh, I don’t care. If he’s good to me, and makes me smile….he could be 60 years old, and 350.

We finally went out. Sadly, he lied about everything. From his age, to his weight. To his height…and what he did for a living. I was so floored, I was actually quiet. Me, silent. But in my heart of hearts, I couldn’t muster up enough chutzpah to tell him to fuck off! I thought, what if it was Jonah? Or my little brother? So… I sat at dinner. And I was sad. I had spent time, and energy on this person…who had lied. Lied and truly, hurt my feelings. And if he knew the person I am, he would have realized that if he was HONEST in the first place, I wouldn’t have given two shits about his age, or size. I would have probably hung out with him just the same. Dumb bunny.

So, I thanked him for dinner. And hugged him goodbye. Told him it wasn’t a “Love Connection”, and we never spoke again. Not sure who felt worse at that point? If I was a betting girl, I’d say we both felt like big pieces of shit. Me, for not getting over his looks. Or his man boobs. Or his flat out deception. Or him, for thinking he couldn’t be himself, and still get a date. Ugh. And the worst part of the entire thing? I lost a friend. A really, cool friend.Wait, who has a good cliche for this scenario? I need to “circle around”! Pull the whole thing together. Fuck. Now I’m depressed. I feel like a bad person, and I can’t close my dang blog! What kind of writer am I?

I got it!
Everything happens for a reason.
Perfect. This person came into my life for a purpose. To teach me a lesson. And when I told my boys about what happened, they didn’t laugh. Which made me proud. In fact, they felt really bad for the guy. And they asked me why I was “judging a book by it’s cover.” Ha. I guess they really do get it, huh? See, something good came out of this nightmarish situation. And look, I did win “Mom of the Year”, after all.And what else did I take away from this? Something I can share with my readers that I think is critical information? Always, and I mean ALWAYS,  ask for a FULL BODY SHOT prior to the date! A full frickin’ body shot, ladies…the day of. Or it’s a no-go! ! Amen! ;)

xo j
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