Is that too dramatic?
The title. The Death of Pita Boy, is it? I feel like it sounds so, well…final. But it is. I am officially killing off Scott. Like he killed our love. Like he ripped my heart out of my chest and stepped on it. Like he smothered all the flames of our burning passion last night, when he told me it was over. Our relationship is over, and done. Crashing down like waves in the ocean of doom. Shit. It’s really over?
Dramatic. Draaaama. Me? Come on. I don’t “do” drama. I AM drama. I live it, breathe it, and bask in it. My life is a stage, and if I had my dithers, I would pass out scripts. Dang. Come on, Scott. Didn’t you know that when you signed up for Jen 101? I am feisty. And passionate, I have chutzpah (that’s a yiddish word that means balls of steel). Ya know, MOXIE. I think it’s a good thing. Do you want a dead fish? A chick that lays there when you fuck her? Or nods and says, “yes yes yes”. Well, if that’s the kinda gal you want, it ain’t me. So last night when I got “over emotional” and a bit “heated” in a conversation…Pita Boy decided that I was out. Kaputzie. Done like dinner. Boo.
Yup. I got kicked to the curb like yesterday’s trash. I’m a lot. I’m too much at times. I go from 0-60 like a bat outta hell…and I don’t look back! Shaaaazam! But when I crash, I make an imprint. And it sticks. And it lasts…and people remember who I am, and what I’ve said. And no one ever forgets Jennifer Hurvitz Weintraub. I light up a room like a spark, and I kinda dig me. So, after two months of “Jen”, if you don’t like me…I guess you best let me go. I am never going to change. Never. But didn’t you know that last week? Or yesterday. Or like, twelve hours ago. Didn’t you know who I was when we went to Mexico with your amazing boys? Or when we had ice cream with our 4 kiddos. And when we talked for hours and hours, and watched Yankees games. And planned trips to Hawaii? My heart is breaking, sorry if I’m getting a little “over emotional”. Love will make you do the craziest things. And say the meanest things. And feel the strongest things. Emotions. Wow. Gotta love ’em.
I feel stupid. How could I be so stinking stupid?
I trusted again, so soon. I promised myself I would never do it. I would take my time, and be choosy. And smart. And no matter what I would never introduce my boys to any man. But you know what? I’m not sorry. Pita Boy was amazing. Is amazing. He is amazing. Scott. He just doesn’t want me. And that is ok. Ouch. Not really, but I have to be okay with it. I can’t spend my life, or even five minutes trying to convince a man otherwise. I am too old for that now. Maybe in my 20’s. Or 30’s. But fuck no! Not now. Not this girl. I am who I am. Love it or leave it. A smart woman once said, “We take chances in life, when give our hearts to people. It doesn’t always work, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it.” Actually, it was my best friend, Tammy. The bravest girl I know. And I am glad I did it. I gave everything to him. And I’d do it again. I loved how I felt with him. My kids loved him, and I adored his. I am sad it’s over. I am angry that my kids are upset, and blaming themselves. Timing is everything, and I am not ready to be a mom to new kids. Not yet. My boys still need me. It’s only been 6 months. And he is looking for more. I am not the one for him, and I will survive this break up. Just like millions of other women do every day…but my heart still hurts. Bad. And I’m sure it will sting for a long, long time.
You know when you want to call up your best friend, and totally talk about your boyfriend? And get advice. And ask him what to do, or what to say…cause they just get you?
I wish I could call Scott right now. He would totally know how to get my boyfriend back. ;)