I have some really bad news for you.
I hope you’re sitting down, cause you might be super upset.
I lead you on.
I know, it’s mean. And semi-bitchy. But it was not my fault. I was totally prepared to show you my tits.
Really. Soof Soof. I was planning on posting the biggest picture of my painted TATAS ever, but my Mom said, “absolutely not.” And when Trish talks, Jen listens. I sent her my picture. I did. I texted her my big, painted-up boobies…and she was freaking out. She said, “Jennifer Erika, it is against the law to send naked pictures on your iPhone!” hahaha. omg. I was laughing so hard. I called my sister, and lost my shit. We were cracking up! I was also dying, because if she only knew how many pictures I have sent on my phone. Jeez. Like who hasn’t? I mean it’s totally normal to send naked pics to your old boyfriends, and significant others. And husbands. And well, ummm. ya. Whatever. Call the Picture Police, or my Mom. I am busted. And you know you have all sent your boobs to people, don’t be haters.
So, with that said, I am sorry guys.
I just can’t do it. If you want to see these TATAS, you will need to come to the Breast Cancer Awareness Event in Charlotte. It’s not like it was that great anyways. I actually had a close friend tell me they were “far apart, and my nipples were uneven”. Nice. Made my day. And fuck you, person. I’ll call my surgeon, and ask for a refund. Yeesh. I am just happy they are cancer-free.
Today, I am going to be using the F-BOMB, but let me tell you, it’s worth it, and I have a solid point. Ok? If you don’t like the word “fuck” you should end here. Stop reading, and close this shiz down….because it’s balls to the wall, peeps.
My life will be forever changed by this man, and I only wish I wrote it myself. Or thought of it, or had the balls enough to say it. Well, actually, truth be told…I have said it. Over and over, and over in my head. And to certain people in my world, but now….I am going to LIVE it. It’s my new mantra. And I love it. And I love him. Mark Manson, I will find you, and kiss you. ;)