sex

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Where do I start?

From the top.

And 5, 6, 7, 8…

The beginning.

Doe, rae…MEEEE!!

Look at that! How do I always seem to bring it back to who’s important here? ME. As I’m singing “Let’s start at the very beginning, it’s a very good place to start…when we count we begin with one, two, three. When we sing we begin with DO RAE MEEEE!” Yes. Me. I love it. Maria Von Trapp got it all right. That Nazi bitch making those queer-matching-ass shorts outta curtains is good for something, people. She is starting my blog today.

My blog about me. 

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I have a date.

For Valentine’s Day.

I mean I had a date.

I don’t anymore…

I dumped him.

Whatever, he was a douche. I dodged a bullet! Let me explain, ok? It’s not that hard to figure out…I had a date, with this hottie. He was young, and cute. And we were supposed to be going out tomorrow night, right? But I cancelled. What? Come on…It’s too much pressure for me! I can’t do it. Shut up! You just don’t get it, it’s too much pressure to go out on a FIRST date on Valentine’s Day, ok?! Jeez0-peez-o. I just felt stressed by the whole thing, so I cancelled. I was nice about it, though. I texted him, and said it like this…

unknownShampoo.

Rinse.

Conditioner…

Rinse.

Face scrub with the Clarisonic thingy…

Rinse.

I do most of my thinking in my shower. My creating. Actually, I do my choreographing in there, too. Oh, and my writing. I spend a lot of time in the shower. It’s my happy place. I just have peace in there, and quiet. My mind is still…and the water drowns out the other noises in my head. I just think. And compose. I come up with a piece of choreography and I literally figure it out in my brain…then I get out, and its golden. Same with an idea for a blog. I shit you not, it just kinda comes to me. I jump out, and write it on a sticky note pad that I keep in a drawer next to the shower. I know, it’s weird. But aren’t all creative people strange? We are. I know we are, but I don’t care. I am fine with my weirdness. I’ve learned to accept the fact that I just do abnormal shit. I dance in my shower, and talk to myself while I wash my hair. And that is just a-okay in my book.

It took 44 years to accept it…

I am creatively coo-coo.

So, with that said…this morning, I came up with a GENIUS idea whilst shaving! 

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I’m not a politician.

Or one of those political analyst chicks.

I’m not a lawyer,

I don’t have a poly-sci degree.

Hell, I’m not even much of a writer…

But I am smart enough to know we fucked this one up AMERICA!

We totally and completely fucked this one up. Wow. I woke up this morning expecting to see The Hillz all over my tube. Read all about her on Facebook, and on my cool CNN app. I was crossing my fingers in my sleep… just hoping for the best of the worst. If all y’all read my last blog, https://thetruthhurvitz.com/election-day/ then you know my stance on the election. I was clearly not a supporter of either candidate, and moving to Canada has been on my mind since we started this whole debacle. Which so you know, is not the craziest of thougths I guess! Today, one of my most favourite (notice my spelling, please) publications, THE SKIMM, said that I am in good company! I guess people were Googling “Canada” and “citizenship”…So much that last night the Canadian immigration site literally crashed. Ha. Who woulda thunk it? Well ME! I did. I have been packing my Tamakwa duffle bags for days…

We are all completely screwed!

Or are we?