meeting the kids

So, you all want Mark’s reaction, huh?

That seems to be the big question I’ve been getting…

How does Mark feel about Pita Boy? Jeez. 

So funny! Like he cares? He doesn’t. In fact, he was more concerned if Pita Boy was going to weigh in on the landscaping issue we are having in the back of the house. Or if he was going to give us a free estimate to redo it. ha. Mark is over me, and he has moved on. And the feeling’s mutual. Yup. I’ll be blogging about that soon enough. When he gives me the “go-ahead” that is. I’ll be blogging about HIS new chickie. But for now, you get my story. Boring I know. And does he care? Not so much. But, he did wish Scott (that’s his name, omg.. I just used his REAL name!) good luck. Jeez…thanks, Mark. Like he needs luck? I’m a great gal! Who wouldn’t LOVE them some JEN?  He did ask me if I told Scott just how much I hate the outdoors. (Mark thought it was funny that I am dating a landscaper, seeing as I HATE it outside). I hate bugs. I hate trees. I hate all things nature. Including the air.  Hmmm. Shut up, Mark. What do you know? Maybe I love it outside, NOW. Maybe I do. Maybe this is a new chapter in my life, and I will learn to appreciate the outdoors? Ummm, maybe the fact that my idea of “roughing-it” is a Red Roof Inn is non-issue? Maybe, just maybe…I just bought a pair of hiking boots, and I’m going to try stepping in some dirt! ya. Maybe, not.

Maybe, Scott just likes me, and doesn’t care if I bitch when I’m outside. Hell, I bitch when I’m inside. What’s the difference? I think, he thinks I’m “cute”. For now. We are in the “honeymoon phase”. He thinks everything I do is “cute”. hehe. We are cute. I giggle like a school girl, and act like a dork. I fart and it’s cute. I’m pretty sure, that if I make it past the 90-day period…I won’t be so cute anymore. And he might make me go outside. And hike, and jump out of airplanes, and crazy-ass shit like that. He is crazy like that. And he rides a bike, for fun. Not just to get places. Like he is a “biker”. I hate bikers. omg. GET OFF THE ROAD ASSHOLES! There, I said it. I feel so much better. Do you think he thinks that’s cute? Probably not, but I don’t care. And I have a few other readers that are probably mad, too. I’m sorry, y’all, but I just don’t get it. Why can’t you ride on the sidewalk? Or a nice trail, made specifically for you? Awww…with flowers, and bugs, and dirt! See, I’m so nice! Get off the ROAD! Focus, Jen. Focus.

Anyways, enough about Scott. He is going to kick my ass. And who wants to hear about him anyhoo? This is all about ME! And my life. And my shiz. But, he makes me so happy. And can I just say, I got to meet his boys…and they are fab. I was so nervous. Have you ever met someone else’s kids, and it actually mattered? Like it made a difference if they liked you? Not me. I mean, I care….if my friend’s kids like me, don’t get me wrong! But this was SO different. I wanted them to DIG ME LOTS! And not just like me, but totally love me. And think I was the best, coolest…most awesome Miss Jen EVER! Yeesh. No pressure. I brought up Scott to my boys. Just kinda mentioned him one day, in passing. To see what they would think. How they would handle it, right?

Went a little something like this…

Me : “Hey guys. I have this friend, Scott, and he got in this really BAD bike accident last weekend.”
Zac:  “Wow, Mom. Did he die?”
Me:  “NO baby, he didn’t.”
Zac:  “Damn.”

Ya, we are obviously NOT there yet. When I asked Jonah if he wanted to meet my new “friend” he said, “Well Mom, he sounds like a whole lotta fun, but I’m thinking our summer should just be smooth and easy. Nothing “new”.  How about next January?” Omg. I was cracking up. I’m so glad Pita Boy is a patient fella. If we are still dating next January, he might just meet my little fuckers.

When is the right time to meet the kids, or introduce your kids to the guy you’re dating? Is there a right, or wrong time? wow. So much to think about! So many ways to go about it…Is it about timing? How many months have you been separated, or do you need to wait until you are legally divorced? Is it about the seriousness of your relationship? Do you need to discuss it with your ex, or is it a personal decision? Ugh. I just go back and forth. Mark and I have talked about it, in detail…and we think we know what’s best for our boys, sure…but what if it’s not what works when you meet the guy of your dreams? Lucky for me, in my situation, Scott kinda understands me. And what I bring to the table. My kids come first. Always. But what happens when a “newbie” feels differently? Yikes. One of my biggest nightmares as a divorcee. The new bitch in town. That new women that is dating Mark, ya know, if I’m lucky enough to know her, and like her…WOO HOO! But if I’m not, then I am fucked. And all the scary “what-ifs” come into play.

 How many times have we as divorced moms played that horrific “what-if” game when it comes to the New Bitch on the Block? What if she has a nose ring? What if she has huge knockers that are clearly too big for her smallish frame? What if she she has her own kids that are aholes, and have cell phones that my kids are not allowed to have? Or even worse, what if she hates my kids? OMG. What if she comes to J&Z’s football games wearing inappropriate short-shorts, and acts like a ho? What if she swears? ha. What if, and I’m just throwing this out there, she is NICE? And cool. And pretty. And omg, what if they actually dig her? Shit. What if, they like her better than me? Because, what if, Mark has good judgement, and has chosen a woman that might just be a good person?

What if my kids actually like the New Bitch on the Block better than me? 
NO THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN…OR I WILL DIE AND KILL HER, AND THEN KILL HER AGAIN. And then, I will tell the boys to put Nair in her shampoo bottles, and I won’t feel badly. I won’t. Ok, maybe I will, for like 2 minutes. But then, I will move on. And trust me, I will sleep just fine. The NBOTB will be bald, but I will have amazingly gorg blond hair, and be sleeping just fine. I will hear all kinds of stories from the boys about how AMAZING the NBOTB is, and how she does all these AMAZING things. And, “Mommy, she can tie a cherry stem with her tongue!” Ahhhhmazing. Ya. Great. She is ah-may-zing. Really. Give that bitch a rose.

Hmm. Who’s idea was this divorce thing anyway? You do know it is the stupidest thing ever. And when I thought about leaving my marriage, and Mark…this exact thing is why I stayed for so long. The mere thought of another woman near my kids made me so sick to my stomach, I would just shake my head. Brush it off, and say, “Not yet, Jen. You stay put.” No woman will ever touch MY boys. Or give them a bath, or give them medicine. Or put them to bed at night. Or sing to them. Or tuck them in. Or drive them to school. Or discipline them. Or cheer them on at a game. Or answer to Mom. No other woman will ever take your place. You are their ONLY mom. And so, I stayed. I did. I stayed longer. To avoid all the “what ifs”.

But here I am, facing it head on. One day…and probably sooner than later, my boys will meet another woman. A NBOTB. And she will be pretty, and cool. And smart. I mean, Mark has FAB taste in women, right? ha. So, why would he choose anything less than fabulous? He did chose ME after all. So, my boys will have to meet this other woman one day, and I will have to allow her into our lives. And be gracious, and conduct myself in a positive manner. Fuck. I can, and I will. When the time comes, I will accept the bitch with open arms, and let her know….

It’s her turn, and she can have him. Good luck, and Godspeed. And one person’s trash,  is always  somebody else’s treasure. Ha. Maybe the four of us can all go out sometime? Me, PitaBoy, Mark, and the NBOTB. Holy shit. Now THAT is one to blog about. Come on, life is too damn short to be angry and miserable. Why not break bread with the NBOTB? Yikes, I best be calling her by her real name. Whatever that may be, get on it Mark…and find her. I don’t have all day. And I need a new blog entry. No offense, but this shiz is good. And you do post my dirty laundry on FB, silly. Game on! ;)

xo j