marriage

downloadI’ve dated tall guys.

And not so tall.

Smart men,

And total fucking morons.

Good ones, and…some well, not so good.

Let’s just say, over the past four years since my divorce…I’ve dated some real mishugies. Hell, I have run the gamut from turkey callers to pathological liars….and I’m still here to write about it. I’ve learned a shit-ton about what I’m looking for in a relationship; I’ve grown along the way.

But let’s be real here, it’s been a hot mess. And being single isn’t easy, or as fun as it sometimes looks.

The reality is that dating after a divorce totally bites the big one. 

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Where do I start?

From the top.

And 5, 6, 7, 8…

The beginning.

Doe, rae…MEEEE!!

Look at that! How do I always seem to bring it back to who’s important here? ME. As I’m singing “Let’s start at the very beginning, it’s a very good place to start…when we count we begin with one, two, three. When we sing we begin with DO RAE MEEEE!” Yes. Me. I love it. Maria Von Trapp got it all right. That Nazi bitch making those queer-matching-ass shorts outta curtains is good for something, people. She is starting my blog today.

My blog about me. 

imgresI haven’t been here in a while.

I’m sorry!

I know, I know…

But I’ve been busy.

Life has gotten in the way of well…

Life.

And I’ve been writing for some pretty kick-ass publications! I’m on BLUNTMoms, and SuburbanMisfitMoms. And in the Charlotte Observer! Jesus. I’m legit. Like who woulda thunk it? After three years of writing, I’d actually get paid for spewing my crap. Ha. Well, I only have you all to thank. So, well…thanks. Thank you, from the bottom of my Hurvitz heart. I have a big one, ya know. A super, big…gigantic HEART! Even though I swear like a truck driver, and talk about my vagina, I have a heart. And it really is filled with all kinds of love for you, my readers. And now, I’m here. Back to tell you some really big news!

I have grown up.

Yes, you heard me…I’m a big girl now. After forty-four years of living on this planet I have finally done something right! Besides using the correct fork with my salad…

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I have a date.

For Valentine’s Day.

I mean I had a date.

I don’t anymore…

I dumped him.

Whatever, he was a douche. I dodged a bullet! Let me explain, ok? It’s not that hard to figure out…I had a date, with this hottie. He was young, and cute. And we were supposed to be going out tomorrow night, right? But I cancelled. What? Come on…It’s too much pressure for me! I can’t do it. Shut up! You just don’t get it, it’s too much pressure to go out on a FIRST date on Valentine’s Day, ok?! Jeez0-peez-o. I just felt stressed by the whole thing, so I cancelled. I was nice about it, though. I texted him, and said it like this…