marriage

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Where do I start?

From the top.

And 5, 6, 7, 8…

The beginning.

Doe, rae…MEEEE!!

Look at that! How do I always seem to bring it back to who’s important here? ME. As I’m singing “Let’s start at the very beginning, it’s a very good place to start…when we count we begin with one, two, three. When we sing we begin with DO RAE MEEEE!” Yes. Me. I love it. Maria Von Trapp got it all right. That Nazi bitch making those queer-matching-ass shorts outta curtains is good for something, people. She is starting my blog today.

My blog about me. 

imgresI haven’t been here in a while.

I’m sorry!

I know, I know…

But I’ve been busy.

Life has gotten in the way of well…

Life.

And I’ve been writing for some pretty kick-ass publications! I’m on BLUNTMoms, and SuburbanMisfitMoms. And in the Charlotte Observer! Jesus. I’m legit. Like who woulda thunk it? After three years of writing, I’d actually get paid for spewing my crap. Ha. Well, I only have you all to thank. So, well…thanks. Thank you, from the bottom of my Hurvitz heart. I have a big one, ya know. A super, big…gigantic HEART! Even though I swear like a truck driver, and talk about my vagina, I have a heart. And it really is filled with all kinds of love for you, my readers. And now, I’m here. Back to tell you some really big news!

I have grown up.

Yes, you heard me…I’m a big girl now. After forty-four years of living on this planet I have finally done something right! Besides using the correct fork with my salad…

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I have a date.

For Valentine’s Day.

I mean I had a date.

I don’t anymore…

I dumped him.

Whatever, he was a douche. I dodged a bullet! Let me explain, ok? It’s not that hard to figure out…I had a date, with this hottie. He was young, and cute. And we were supposed to be going out tomorrow night, right? But I cancelled. What? Come on…It’s too much pressure for me! I can’t do it. Shut up! You just don’t get it, it’s too much pressure to go out on a FIRST date on Valentine’s Day, ok?! Jeez0-peez-o. I just felt stressed by the whole thing, so I cancelled. I was nice about it, though. I texted him, and said it like this…

Hi all!

Ok, this is just a quickie.

I fast little “in and out”, if you will.

I need some answers to my questions, and all y’all are the only ones that can help me!

Ready?

Here we go….

1.   Why don’t you guys comment on my actual BLOG? Is it…


a)    because you are scared.
b)    you’re nervous that I might bite you, or attack you…or lick your face.
c)    because you don’t want to “attach” your name to my smutty-shiz.
d)    all of the above.
Now, if you answered a,b, c or d to this question,  I completely get it. And If I were you, I would NEVER be associated with this blog! ha. C’mon! I would really love your feedback, peeps! A comment here, or there would be nice. So, on my NEW site, you will get a page all to yourselves. A spot where we can shoot the shit! And chat with no worries. A place we can talk about all things sex and divorce…or my favorite form of birth control, with no fear of being busted! It’s all good. Consider it your safe place. Well, safe as it gets with me. hehe.
2.   Where else can you find The Truth Hurvitz
a)     Facebook
b)     Twitter
c)     Google Plus
d)     In a bar, slutting it up on a Friday night
If you answered a,b, or c…you are RIGHT! And you should go hit me up at all those killer locations! Follow me on Twitter, Like me on Facebook…and join my “Circle of Friends” on Google. If you answered D, then you must have been there too…and in that case, you are also a slut. Or you bought me a drink. And contributed to my slutty-state, and therefore you rock. Or I plead the 5th, and I don’t know what you’re talking about.
3.  If I started advertising on my blog, you would think….
a)     Hurvitz, you are a Rock star!
b)     Go, Girl…It’s about fucking time.
c)     You are a sell-out, and I’m not reading this anymore.
d)     OMG, I need to advertise on there RIGHT NOW!
Ugh. I am having such mixed feelings about this, and I just need your opinion! What do all y’all think? I have a great fan base, and I just love what I’m doing…but it would be nice to get a little bank for all this, right? And being divorced, it would help my situation. Not that I’m pulling the “divorce card”, but alimony doesn’t last a lifetime, people. And I would love to keep doing what I enjoy. And boy would Mark would be thrilled. He would stop saying, “What is it you do all day?” Screw him. I am blogging, duh! But really, who wants like thousands of people checking out their product? Any takers? Call me! ;)
Ok, ok. Those are my 3 big questions for today. And what you think matters. I’ve been pondering this crap while working on my new site, and deciding what to put on it….what’s important, what’s not. I’m so excited. It’s pretty cool to have done something from scratch, all by myself. Kinda a big deal for me. But more importantly, my kids are so proud. I love it. No, they don’t read it, jeez! But they know about what I’m doing…and they are really, really proud of me. And it’s been a long time coming. So, thank you, guys. Thanks for reading. And commenting, and sharing. And supporting me.
Everything happens for a reason. My studio crashed and burned, for a reason. My company closed for a reason. My marriage failed for a reason. Maybe I needed all that to happen…so I could end up here. And the real truth? I actually am digging where I am.
And I couldn’t do it without you, so thanks. And keep reading. And I’ll keep writing….and sharing my craziness. Filter-free. And if you get the urge, send me some feedback to my questions! I promise, I’ll be gentle. Or you can always private message me, ya big babies. Like I said, it won’t hurt a bit. ;)
xo j