jennifer hurvitz weintraub

I went in to buy a bracelet.

Or a new necklace.

Maybe a pair of earrings?

Shit, I’m lying..

I went in to get something to wear for a party I have this weekend, ok?

Whatever, I went into the store today to shop; I never expected anything like this to happen.

I’m sorry Y’all…

I’ve just been so busy!One Happy Divorce

I’m publishing my first book!

One Happy Divorce – Hold the Bullshit!” 

Finally, it’s really happening. My very first book. It is real, I did it. Well, I’m doing it. I have the most incredible group of women working in my corner…they are sharp, and smart. All helping me get it done. It’s going to be dropping soon and I’m excited. Excited, and scared. Nervous! But above all else, I am proud.

I am proud of me. 

download-1

Where do I start?

From the top.

And 5, 6, 7, 8…

The beginning.

Doe, rae…MEEEE!!

Look at that! How do I always seem to bring it back to who’s important here? ME. As I’m singing “Let’s start at the very beginning, it’s a very good place to start…when we count we begin with one, two, three. When we sing we begin with DO RAE MEEEE!” Yes. Me. I love it. Maria Von Trapp got it all right. That Nazi bitch making those queer-matching-ass shorts outta curtains is good for something, people. She is starting my blog today.

My blog about me. 

images-2My ass is flat.

My tits are saggy.

My arms jiggle.

My kneecaps are loose.

My left pinky toe is crooked.

I mean, is there anything I like about ME?

Oh, ya!! I kinda, sorta…maybe like my legs. Oh, and my hair. I have great hair. NO, strike that! I USED to have great hair, until last week. I went to a new guy that chopped it off and now I look like a fucking dyke. A southern-bell dyke. NO offense gay women. I love you, and one of my very best friends in San Fran is gay. And she told me I could say “dyke”. Although when I texted her to ask, I spelled it “dike” which made her laugh. Ha. I thought it was DIKE. I’m so not a dyke. I can’t even spell it right! She’s a sexy-punky dyke, though. She has AMAZINGLY-hot short hair. It’s so hot. And she is hot. But I am not. I look like Barbie-dyke….so I digress, I used to have great hair. Now I don’t even have that going for me. But I could be a lesbo. #dropthemic

Why do we do as women beat ourselves up so badly?