dating after divorce

downloadI’ve dated tall guys.

And not so tall.

Smart men,

And total fucking morons.

Good ones, and…some well, not so good.

Let’s just say, over the past four years since my divorce…I’ve dated some real mishugies. Hell, I have run the gamut from turkey callers to pathological liars….and I’m still here to write about it. I’ve learned a shit-ton about what I’m looking for in a relationship; I’ve grown along the way.

But let’s be real here, it’s been a hot mess. And being single isn’t easy, or as fun as it sometimes looks.

The reality is that dating after a divorce totally bites the big one. 

imagesI have an addiction.

I try to hide it.

Convince myself it’s a non-issue.

But the first step is admitting…

So, I’m here to tell the world. I know y’all are assuming it’s Starbucks. Or online shopping! Smoking in my garage when I’m alone, or drinking too much wine? Fuck no. I wish. But my addiction is much bigger than all of those things combined. Hell, it’s bigger than ME. And it affects so many other women across our nation. I am not alone, others feel my pain; understand the demons I fight every, single day.

Other women between the ages of 32-55 to be exact. 

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He’s such a dick.

He is the biggest asshole, ever!

He has nothing kind to say.

He can’t even return a phone call.

He doesn’t have a nice bone in his entire body.

But he’s hot as hell, he has more money than Trump….and he lives in the “cool” part of town so who cares! YES! He is a DOUCHE, but so what! It doesn’t matter, he will take care of you…pay for all your meals…and when your alimony runs out in 2022 you’ll be SET FOR LIFE! Perfect. Omg, really? Is this what we have turned into, bat-shit crazy bitches? Searching for men that treat us like garbage, have the hearts of the Grinch… and can’t even utter a nice word out of their slimy mouths. I am nauseous; actually sick to my stomach. And I’m a little embarrassed of my gender lately…

Girls, you need to grab your lady-parts and stop dating dicks. 

Iimages

need

to

slooooowwww

my

roll.

Just slow my gosh darn roll! It’s a saying.  My kids use it, I think. They also called me, “savage” the other day. Not so sure that’s a good thing. But whatever. And how about “lit”, is that a positive adjective? Let me use it in a sentence for ya, “Mom, my friends at school think you’re totally LIT.” Hmm. Again, I question its exact connotation….but hey, I aim to please! But I got this “slowing your roll” phrase down! It means to ease your shit up, slow your ass down…stop moving into everything so dang fast. And for the love of all things holy STOP FALLING IN LOVE SO QUICKLY! Phew.

Ya, just gotta slow my damn roll, Cowgirl.

But really, how do are you supposed to move slowly when the guy is doing everything in his power to make you WANT HIM so damn bad?