dating after divorce

imagesI have an addiction.

I try to hide it.

Convince myself it’s a non-issue.

But the first step is admitting…

So, I’m here to tell the world. I know y’all are assuming it’s Starbucks. Or online shopping! Smoking in my garage when I’m alone, or drinking too much wine? Fuck no. I wish. But my addiction is much bigger than all of those things combined. Hell, it’s bigger than ME. And it affects so many other women across our nation. I am not alone, others feel my pain; understand the demons I fight every, single day.

Other women between the ages of 32-55 to be exact. 

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He’s such a dick.

He is the biggest asshole, ever!

He has nothing kind to say.

He can’t even return a phone call.

He doesn’t have a nice bone in his entire body.

But he’s hot as hell, he has more money than Trump….and he lives in the “cool” part of town so who cares! YES! He is a DOUCHE, but so what! It doesn’t matter, he will take care of you…pay for all your meals…and when your alimony runs out in 2022 you’ll be SET FOR LIFE! Perfect. Omg, really? Is this what we have turned into, bat-shit crazy bitches? Searching for men that treat us like garbage, have the hearts of the Grinch… and can’t even utter a nice word out of their slimy mouths. I am nauseous; actually sick to my stomach. And I’m a little embarrassed of my gender lately…

Girls, you need to grab your lady-parts and stop dating dicks. 

Iimages

need

to

slooooowwww

my

roll.

Just slow my gosh darn roll! It’s a saying.  My kids use it, I think. They also called me, “savage” the other day. Not so sure that’s a good thing. But whatever. And how about “lit”, is that a positive adjective? Let me use it in a sentence for ya, “Mom, my friends at school think you’re totally LIT.” Hmm. Again, I question its exact connotation….but hey, I aim to please! But I got this “slowing your roll” phrase down! It means to ease your shit up, slow your ass down…stop moving into everything so dang fast. And for the love of all things holy STOP FALLING IN LOVE SO QUICKLY! Phew.

Ya, just gotta slow my damn roll, Cowgirl.

But really, how do are you supposed to move slowly when the guy is doing everything in his power to make you WANT HIM so damn bad? 

imagesI hate to say I told you so.

Ok, no I don’t.

I love it.

I frickin’ LOVE it.

Its like the best part of my day.

I TOLD YOU SO, ASSHOLES!

Ok, okay…I’m being kinda salty. I know it’s not nice to be so haughty! But I just love it when I can finally have a man admit that I’m right. And this time, all y’all…I got it in WRITING! Did you hear that? I actually got it in writing! Wowza. I had a very dear friend of mine send me a blog post admitting it! Yup, you heard me. He sent me an entry, and said that my advice …was good. It was good, and correct. And that he should have listened to me when we met for coffee, oh so long ago. He should have taken my RELATIONSHIP advice, y’all. I am like, really good at this shit! Toot, toot.

So, with his permission…I am going to post his story.

Not only does it capture my amazingness…(toot!)

But this man happens to be a fantastic writer. He has been published before, and I am quite flattered that he is even gracing my presence. I mean, really. He is stooping way low for this The Truth Hurvitz, shit. So, with no further ado-do…here it is! And just remember…

I hate to say, “I told you so!” (not really!)