cyber dating

IMG_1241I am not angry.

I am not sad.

I’m not mad…

Or bitter.

My heart is tired.

That’s really it. My heart is just flat out exhausted. If you can try and imagine the poor thing for a minute…beating, and beating. Over and over, and over. Doing such a good job. Pumping all that blood around this kick-ass fucking body of mine…day after day, week after week. Giving and giving…and giving LOVE. Just so I can get what in return? Nada. Zilch. A big fat, fucking NOTHING. Well, that’s not entirely true…I got a lot of love. Plus a bunch of lies. My poor heart is just tired. And I can hardly blame it. It’s been through an awful lot over the last four years. And I think, it’s time for a break.

Hey, heart! It’s me, Jennifer….And I’m going to give you a break. 

images-1Snotty.

Bitchy.

Bratty.

Snarky.

Snappy.

Whatever. I am all of the above, and I’m ok with it. I’m salty. Which is what my kids called me yesterday when I got all up in their shit for not clearing the table after dinner. Well, what the hell? What are they, animals? Were they raised in a fucking barn? No. I don’t think so. So, yes… maybe I got a tad bit salty. And salty I will remain until I get what I want. But then I got even saltier with Mark. He was annoying me. I’m sorry, but he was. So I gave him some attitude, as well. And he was completely numb to it. After all, he’s not married to me anymore. He can ignore my bullshit. But he did say this,”Ummm Jen, I hope that camp teaches you how to be nice.” Hmmm. Wow. Well, fuck you too, Mark. That camp. Well, YES duh!! Isn’t that why I’m going to THAT camp? To learn how to be a better person? To learn how to get nicer, and maybe grow a set?

Then Mark said something very interesting.

 

images-2Facebook.

Twitter.

LinkedIn.

Pinterest.

Zappos.

And Nordstrom.

Yup. That’s about it, folks. That’s what I’ve been doing for the past 48 hours. Surfing the web and filling my time while I watch my kid suffer. And when I say “suffer” I mean, bitch and moan while he fights a low grade fever. Not really suffer. Suffering is like pretty bold choice of words. Suffering is a child with a real illness, or a woman battling cancer…ugh. Poo-poo. Not my over-entitled 14-year old eating Flavor Ice and watching SpongeBob. So, I digress. I’ve been here, sitting on the couch surfing the net, while my kid slowly gets better. Phew. There, that’s more like it. Anywhoo, what is up, all ya’ll? What’s shakin? What the hell is going on? I’m talking to my screen. I am that bored.

Someone save me.

Someone please get me out of this germ-infested hell hole.

Someone just talk to me.

imagesMen.

Can’t live with them.

Can’t live without them.

Can’t kill them.

But fuck sometimes, I wish I could.

Really.

So, I have dated some of the worst…and some of the best. Good ones, and bad. And I just keep on trucking. I keep on putting myself out there, hoping that one day I will find my “plus-one”. That awesome guy that I can just hang out with. The one fella that just gets my shit, and thinks I’m cool. Wants to be around me for a while, or long enough to have dinner and sex. Jeez, is it that hard? I think not. But hey! For some reason, it is. And that’s ok, really! Not a problem. I’m not going to settle for just anyone. I mean, why would I? At this point in my life, I know exactly what I want. I have list in my head, and I am checking off the boxes. What? You aren’t? Well, you should. Have a cat? Out. Have a gun? Done. Have a small dick, and a bad attitude? Fuck it. I am not wasting my time anymore. I swear, I think I’m going to start my very own dating site. The Truth Hurvitz-Men.com. Just for me. I’m accepting applications now. Ha.