I am going to upset you.
Ok, maybe not all of you…
But some of you.
Maybe a lot more than some.
If you have a penis, you definitely won’t be happy.
I’m kinda saying “you” as in the general you…not like you-you. Not like I’m pointing a finger or some shit. Don’t think that’s what I’m doing. I’m not. I am just saying that most of you that read this blog entry might be upset by it. Ok? But I am annoyed, and when I’m annoyed…I tend to come here. To my blog, and write. Right? I sit, usually in my comfy chair…all comfy-uppy, and spit out how I’m feeling. Unless I’m at my office (Starbucks) and then, I’m not so comfy, but I’m caffeinated. Which is also a really nice thing, to be filled with that extra bit of energy when I’m on a tangent. Wow. So, I’m annoyed. And I’m sitting here, in my house. It’s Saturday night, and I’m alone…with a bottle, I mean a glass of wine. Wearing my sweats, and Uggs…ready to upset you. No idea why it matters what the fuck I’m wearing, to ruin your night. I guess I just felt like stalling. I am clearly stalling…trying to waste time, before I share this Goddess awful epiphany I have arrived at today.
Well, I better just say it. Here goes nothing….
Married men suck balls.
OMG DID SHE JUST SAY THAT? It’s that MAN-BASHING bitch again! Like does she mean ALL married men? No, I actually mean all men. Not just the married ones. But I decided to give the single and divorced ones a break tonight. Fuck. What a bunch of dickheads. No, I’m sorry Mr.I’mUnhappyAtHome, you can’t text me. And no, Mr.SheWon’tPutOut, you can’t meet me for a drink. And NO Mr.I’mSoBoredICouldDie….you can NOT fly me to Aruba when you say you are on a business trip you piece of shit!! Fuck. I am done. Let me just fill you all in you married men, just because I have no ring on my finger…doesn’t mean YOURS IS INVISIBLE! Oh, I’m sorry, is this upsetting you? Are you mad, a little nervous? I’m actually giving your wives a head’s up? Well ya. Because in all honesty I am done. You are all so gross. I’m at the bar, and there you are. I’m on Twitter, and you stalk me. Or on Facebook. And you know exactly what you’re doing. And it’s not just me. I’ve taken a little poll, all y’all think you’re real cute. Guys, we are onto you. And so are your wives. Keep your dicks in your pants, and your rings on your fingers.
Listen, if you’re miserable in your marriages have enough balls to end it. Finish dinner, then have dessert. Go home, and tell your wives you are done. Have enough respect for her, and your children to finish what you’ve started. Have enough respect for yourself. Don’t say you’re staying “for the kids”. I did that. It doesn’t work, they know. They are smart, and they feel when you’re unhappy…doesn’t everyone deserve to be happy? And feel wanted, and loved? Including your wife? Yeesh. Life is too damn short to be with a person you don’t want to be with. I have sat recently with friends, leaving their spouses…scared, nervous…it’s the fear of the unknown. What will I do by myself? Who will take care of me? Where will I live, how about my kids…will we ever be happy, stable…okay?
And the answer is yes. Yes, yes… yes. You will all be alright. It takes time. It’s not easy. But you won’t be at peace if you stay in a marriage that is unsatisfying. Or loveless. Lacking intimacy. If you are searching to find happiness somewhere else. Not from a divorcee with a blog on Facebook…ya know? That shit will get you nowhere fast. Just be happy. I may sound preachy, and I’m starting to annoy myself a little…but it’s almost cathartic being able to write to you. Like this. I am finally, after a year of uncertainty…ok.
I’m at peace with my decision to get divorced. And I am happy. And still a little annoyed at you fucking married men who are all up in our shit. Go get happy, ok? And leave us Happily Divorced women alone! Oh, and P.S. If you are married to any of my friends…or my family members, you do not count. I love you, and therefore you are exempt from my hatred of married men. ;)
The Management. (that’s me)