I swear that is it.
I am blaming my fucking period.
And you know I am right.
Every woman is shaking her head right now, and looking around to find someone else who will just agree with her, am I right?
Yes, I am!
It’s my god damn period that causes every bad thing in my life.
Every fight. Every mood swing. Every mean, nasty, rude-ass disgusting thing that comes out of my mouth…is because I am bleeding out of my vagina, and I can’t control myself! I swear to the the Goddess above it’s all Aunt Flow’s FAULT!!! The raging hormones that are going through my body are just taking over my mouth. And my mind. And I hate everyone. Jeez. It’s only 3 days, you would think a guy could handle it.
But they can’t. And men don’t believe it, they don’t. They think I’m making it all up. Mark did. At first, he actually thought I was playing him. He thought, my “PMS” was just an excuse for me to be a total bitch. But after like 6 months of my head spinning around, and green shit flying out of it around the same exact time….he kinda got it. And then, we started planning vacations around it. My period. And we scheduled major life’s events around it. My period. And we even had conversations based on it, “Um…honey, you might not want to talk about the move next Tuesday. It’s going to be the 12th. And that is one of my PMS days.” We even got married when I wasn’t PMSing. For real, I shit you not. Look, I’m not gonna lie. It’s bad. But I can own it. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown to understand that I just have to medicate to deal with it. And even more importantly, so other people can deal with me. It’s not fair to my kids, or to my loved ones to have to be around PMS-Jen. For real!
In fact, did you know there is actually a condition that I was diagnosed with, it’s called PMDD? Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. It’s a REAL thing. And they even have a medication to help control it! And most male gynos don’t tell ya about it, funny…but when I moved down to Charlotte, I found a FEMALE gyno who was all over that shiz! She actually saved my marriage. Wait, no. She obviously didn’t save anything. ha. But she definitely prolonged it. She hooked a girl up! She prescribed an anti-depressant made specifically for PMDD. Amazing. And I take it 15 days into my cycle. Just for PMS. Flipping awesome. Mark was so fucking happy, he sent the Doctor a bottle of wine.
Now, why am I sharing this ever-so-personal, and extremely intimate tidbit of my life with you?
Well… because this is The Truth Hurvitz, and it’s just what I do!
And if you are feeling depressed, or anxious. Or stressed. Or life is just too much. There is nothing wrong with getting help. Or going to a therapist. Reaching out to a friend, or telling someone you think your life sucks. It’s not a “stigma” to take medication, either. Hell, I can’t function without mine. Do you know how many women take antidepressants, or anti-anxiety meds? Wait, let me look it up. I’m actually going to Google it. Or I’ll ask Siri. She will know… OMG. Are you ready for this? 1 in 4 women in their 40’s takes a medication for depression. Jeez. That is kinda fucked up, no? Hmmm. This blog is getting kinda depressing. That’s like, sad. Wow. So, if I was sitting at Starbucks, 1 out of 4 of the chicks there are depressed? awwww. I feel bad. I will pass out my blog-cards. And maybe they will laugh a little bit. ha.
Shit. not every day is a good day, all y’all! For fucksake, this year has been anything but good for me. I hate my ex right now. I want to punch him in the face every time I see him. Well, not every time. But almost every time. A solid 8 out of 10. My kids are having a tough time, and I want to move home. I love Charlotte, but I just feel like I need my family. I found this amazing guy, but he doesn’t live here. UGH! See, life isn’t always peaches and cream. No, a bowl of cherries. Ups and downs… this roller coaster named “Divorce”. I should up my meds.
Soooo, I guess, that’s why I keep writing. Just to let those of you who read it, know that there is someone in your shoes. Or to make you giggle, or to share a funny story. Or to vent. Or to ramble about nothing. Ya know, to talk about my menstrual cycle…and other bodily functions. It wouldn’t be a day on my blog if I didn’t leave you asking, “Did she really just write that?” And the answer to your question will always be a resounding, “Hell yes, I did!”
Now, I have to go change my tampon. Or my next blog will be about Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS). And yes, I just wrote that! ;)