Yup. All the words that one would use to describe anything in the world besides ME. Slow, I am NOT. I am fast, and quick. I do everything with supersonic-speed; at lighting pace. I’m like a bat out of hell. Nothing can get in my way, or stop me from getting what I want. And once I have an agenda, I’m pretty much on it. Maybe it’s my ADHD. Maybe it’s my go-get-em attitude. Maybe it’s because I’m just fucking nuts. Who cares? I’m FAST as fuck, and that’s just the way it is. Soy muy rapida! Take it, or leave it…it’s me. I’m never late. In fact, I hate late people. Late people basically suck, and I can’t even fathom how they can be late. Don’t y’all have a watch? Just get there! Everyone knows that I’m always on time. I’m early for Goddess sake! I can’t even be late if I TRY to be late. I’ve tried it! And I just can’t make it happen. I swear. It’s bizarre.
So, yesterday…when I texted my niece about this new guy I’m dating, I found it quite ironic that she said, “Auntie Jen, let’s just take this one SLOW.” Ha. She actually said, “Here’s one piece of advice, GO SLOW.” Yup. That’s what Blair texted to me. And I said back, “Blair, slow is for turtles.” And then she texted, “Then BE A FLIPPING TURTLE.” Wow. Such great advice from my twelve year old niece, huh? Be a fucking turtle. Hmmm. Be a fucking turtle? Not such a fan of the little shelled-creatures. But maybe she has a point? Maybe I am just to fast for my own good? I should take it slowly, and eassseeee into this one with sloth like speed, and act like molasses on a hot summer’s day…pour it on super slowwwww. Play hard to get…
Ya, well too fucking late.
We’ve had 5 dates already! I’m like gaga for him! And last night, he met my friends! And we text like 6 billion times a day. And I know like everything about him, and he knows like my entire life story. And I am a total loser. And even Blair told me so. But he is different. haha. Omg. I know, I know! I’ve said it like 200 times before…but guess what all y’all? He is not like the rest of them. Wanna know why? Because, I think…wait for it…we might actually be ON THE SAME PAGE. And isn’t that what this fucking dating bullshit is all about? Remember my favorite blogger Mark Manson? He has that amazing article “Fuck Yes, or NO”! It says that in a relationship both peeps have to be either a yes, or a no…about where you’re at? Either you are both in, or both want to date other peeps. Whatever works. But you can’t waste your time trying to make someone want you. Well,( hmmmm…I’m thinking of a name) Mr. Definitely-Different and I may not end up getting married, but we both just want to date each other, and see where it goes. That’s all. Simple, and easy.
What’s so crazy about that?
And it’s about time I find a guy that doesn’t want to fuck other women, or stay on Tinder…or “date” around, or is separated…or lives in Alaska. Or wants to blend our families, or have babies. Or lick my face. Or lays on my counter naked. Ya. So, if moving too fast is the biggest problem we have…bring that shit on. I think we can handle it. Mr. Definitely-Different is different. I just know it. The whole thing feels different. And we are totally different, too. And I’m ok with it. And he’s ok with it. He’s not used to women like me, that’s for sure. But it’s cute. I think he gets me, or at least he’s willing to learn “Jen”. We are having a good time, one day at a time…and yes, it’s fucking crazy. But good crazy. And look, nothing has worked for me so far…so I’m going to do it this way for now. It just feels good. And right. And FUN.
And isn’t that what life is supposed to be about? So, until it doesn’t feel good anymore…I’m going to move as fast as I want to with Mr.Definitely-Different. Don’t tell me to slow my shit down, or act like a hard-shelled amphibian. Or is a turtle a reptile? Whatever. I’m not going to listen, even if you’re right. Just let me learn the hard way, or even better….let’s be positive! Maybe, Mr. Definitely-Different will actually end up being , well…
Different. Now, wouldn’t that be crazy? ;)
Tags: cyber dating, dating after divorce, jennifer hurvitz, jennifer weintraub, relationships, the truth hurvitz, women and sex