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This is nuts.

Crazy I tell ya.

I am not one of those girls…

Sitting around watching the numbers,

Wondering just how many peeps actually read my shit.

But OMFG you guys, this is insanity. I’m just blown away. I have to share this! Do you know who reads this blog? And I think all y’all will be quite surprised, because I know I was! Let me just tell you how this started. I was sitting here, after a really good day. I mean after the whole OKStupid debacle my days can only go up from here, right? Right. But I had a really good day. I met this guy for lunch, and he turned out to be one of the nicest people I have ever met in my life. Not kidding. He was. Like hands down, the nicest. I’m not getting into it. My lips are sealed, because I’m not gonna to jinx it. We all know, in a few days…he will be a fucking douche like the rest of them. And then, I’ll be eating my words, so why even bother.  Buuuutt…if I was going to say anything at all, I would just mention that he is a little bit COUNTRY, and I am a whole lot of fucking Rock and Roll. Ok, that’s it. Wowza. The boy has teeth, thank Goddess. But I could barely understand a word he was saying. Good thing he’s hot. Oh, and he made some kind of turkey-calling soundage with his straw. Oddly enough, it was sexy. If you like turkeys.

Anyway…I had a good day.

I had a good time at lunch, and I laughed a ton. Which I haven’t done in a really, really long time. It felt good. And easy. And I bought cookies. What the fuck was my point? Oh ya, it was a good day. So, I drove home and was thinking, that maybe it was time to make some money off this blog. I kinda thought I might advertise on here! What do you think? It’s been like 2 years and I’ve never made a cent. So, I thought I’d take a gander at my Google Analytics to see what my stats even looked like. I mean, when I start advertising, I think that’s important. To know who is actually reading this, how old are they…where do all y’all live? HI CHINA!!! I have readers in China! I feel so special! Who is translating my crap? Am I even kinda funny in Chinese? I can’t be funny in Chinese, I’m barely comical in English. Good thing most of my readers are in the US and Canada. Lots in Brazil, and Russia. But mostly in the US. Phew! And did y’all know my demographic is NOT men! All you assholes that told me that only guys are reading this, and that it’s all smut! Ha! 70% of my readers are WOMEN! I love you, girls! I’m so happy! Thank you, thank you! I need to start talking about my vagina and liposuction more often. It’s the boobies and my boys that bring in the readers. Sigh. I knew it wasn’t all for naught.

And you also like to read me on your mobile devices. That’s good to know. I am going to have to get my app fixed. It kinda sucks right now, I’m pretty sure. That swirly-ass thing takes forever to load, and my newest entry doesn’t come up right away. Hmmm. Who knows how to fix that? Anyone? Call me! Thanks in advance. And you wanna know another interesting Truth Hurvitz fact? Guess what AGE group reads me the most? I bet you think it’s the younger crowd, huh? Well no way, José! It’s the 35-45’ers. 17K plus of you! And the 65 plus like me, too. Dirty birdies! Google Analytics is seriously the bomb. And all y’all also like to read and go, you don’t linger. Nice! A minute and 30 seconds is the average time you spend on my site. I feel a little creepy knowing all this about you. But hey, I guess its good info to have, so I can get advertisers that make money…and make me money.

So, with all this traffic around here I think it’s a win-win.  I’m going to hire a company to help me, and they will figure it all out. I don’t have the wherewith all to do it. I’m a writer for all things holy! Just put the ads on here, guys! Drop em, and let’s sell some shoes! Omg. Shoes. Zappos. Don’t you think Zappos just has to be on here? I love that place. And how about Rodan and Fields? All that stuff I use on my face! I mean, come on girls!! I spend more money on Rodan and Fields than any other woman in America! That’s it. I am going to do a whole page of The Truth Hurvitz’s Favorite Things! YES! Who knows how to make this happen? A girl’s gotta eat.

Ummm, anyone? Call me. And show me the money. ;)

xo j

 

  • Chad Chriscoe

    Who knows, with practice you may even be able to call a turkey with a straw. Your kids will disown ya but you might….PG.. You Might.