I am happy.
Mark actually said, and I quote, “You are a better wife now, than when you were my wife”. He was referring to me cleaning the house, and doing laundry…and my new organizational skills, I’m sure. But whatever. I don’t care. He said it, and I keep all his texts just for occasions such as this. He said it, I am a better wife now, than when we were married. Well, do you know how I responded to that?
I texted back 3 words…
Cause I’m happy.
Now, am I happier because I’m free of the bullshit? Or do I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, because I am not being constantly annoyed? I have my life back. I am my own person? What is it, you ask? Is it the fantastic Tinder-dating? The incessant fighting over money, or the constant arguing over who will stay where, and when? Lord. How can I be happy? But I truly am. I feel good. And wanted. And needed…and I have found a few amazing things in my life to make me “tick again”. I want to stand on top of a mountain top and twirl around like Maria Von Trapp! Ok, maybe not Fraulein, that’s pushing it, but you get the point. I’m happy.
I’m blogging, and sharing my inner most feelings with the world…which is fucking nuts. And totally insane. People are stopping me in grocery stores, and in public bathrooms. I can’t eat without people coming up to my table, asking me if I really went out with a guy with genital warts. ha. I love it. I feel like a fucking celebrity. And it’s FUN! And funny. And me and Julie (my sis) just think it’s a trip. We laugh, and call each other, and I am happy. And my mom, she even laughs! Calls me hysterical. I think it’s because she can’t believe I can actually write. She calls, and says, ‘OMG, I was DYING at the Tinder one.” Love you, Mom. But why, when I’m so happy do other people want to bring me down? Why do people always want to squash the ones that are actually enjoying life? Haters. Fuck ’em.
So…I get this phone call from a really good friend the other day. And he says something to me that still stings. I can’t get it out of my head. I feel like sharing, do you mind? Omg, that is too funny. I’m asking your permission to share my shit? I just laughed out loud. Anyways, so he says, “Jen, it’s gonna take a really strong guy to put up with you, and this blog. He needs to be secure, and be able to handle it. You just come off as really LOOSE.” Ummm. Ok. I seem “loose”? Who the fuck even says that? LOOSE? Like I’m a slut? Or I seem like a ho? I get it. But “loose”? Is that like from the 1950’s? Like I have a loose vagina? I went off on him. Duh. And I hung up. I was like thinking, like who the flip are you…loosey goosey I am not! And I don’t have a loose vajay-jay either, fyi.
But then, I thought…maybe he is right? Maybe I am kinda gonna need a strong, secure, amazing, mature, FAB man who can “handle” me. hehe. I am happy! And fuck you, Loosey Goosey Guy! I found him. Dang. And he is all that and a bag of chips! Shhhhh, don’t tell anyone. We are just “dating” and it’s only been a short time. But I like him, and he’s yummy. He makes me happy. And there is nothing wrong with happy, dammit. But does it change my blog? If I am dating someone? Hmmm. Hold that thought, I need to get a snack. I’m starving. Ok, back. Where were we? And I did really get a snack.
Does, me having a “boyfriend” change my writing? If I’m not “Single in the City”?
Omg, did I just say BOYFRIEND? gross. That is crazy. We are dating. And really, truth be told…he was the one to bring it up! He was worried if I told people about us, my blog would suffer. So sweet! Pita Boy. Ya, it’s him. Awww. He has requested a new name, btw. If you want to go back like 5 blogs, you can dig up the dirt on him. OMG. It’s now becoming a mystery blog!! Like a Choose Your Own Adventure type of series, this is so cool! You can actually go back to previous entries, and try and figure out the guy I’m seeing. Jodi T, how do you like me now? Genius, or what? Focus. Dig up the dirt, that is good. He owns a landscape company, get it? Dig up the dirt. We need a new name for him. Any ideas? Oy, he is going to fucking kill me. But will having a relationship change my blogging? I think not. I have SO many new issues to discuss!
I mean my next few ideas are already in my head. My kids, his kids…when do I tell mine? He already told his. Ugh. So much to talk about. What if it doesn’t work out? Do I trust him, us…this. All of it. So many new issues. So much to deal with. Ugh. I’m making myself a little stressed. Life is all about new experiences. And being happy, right? And having fun. But after all that Tinder-dating, and a few bad experiences…why do I want to give this guy a shot? Why put all my eggs in one basket? I don’t want to get married again, right? Rhetorical. But wow, he just seems different. And when I asked him if I could write this he said, “do your thing, I totally trust you.” So eat that Loosey Goosey Guy. You suck balls.
Jeez. Sometimes, I wish you could talk back as I’m writing. This blog is so one-sided. I could use a little participation here, for the love of god. You know, it’s not easy putting all this out there, with little to no response. Maybe you could comment every once and awhile? I just love all y’all, I do. And this blog is making me happy. My kids make me happy. My friends make me happy. And this new relationship with Pita Boy is making me super-duper happy. Oh, and getting laid doesn’t suck either, eat that Loosey Goosey Guy. ;)