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Ben & Jerry’s.

Milk Duds.

Hummus and Stacy’s Pita Chips.

Bring on the carbs…

I’m eating my emotions. Don’t judge. For real, I started yesterday with a chocolate pancake, and a piece of French Toast…and I haven’t stopped. I haven’t come up for air. And I just don’t give a rat’s patootie. I am sad. And upset. And hurting. And I am going to eat until I get so puffed-up, that I can’t tell my fingers from my  arms. Ugh. I have been crying for the entire day, and I am telling you, eating makes me feel better. Yesterday, I bought the boys that Chunky Monkey Popcorn shit. Do you know what I’m talking about? It’s the devil. It comes in the plastic container, with the red top…omg. It’s like popcorn, and pretzels and potato chips, all drenched in carmel and chocolate. Holy fuck. I told Jonah not to give it to me. Under NO circumstances should he allow me to have it. Even if I threatened to beat him. Well, he is such a wimp. He handed it over, while I was driving…and I inhaled it. He begged me to stop. He looked at me and said, “Jen, please. Put the popcorn down. You are making me want to fucking throw up.” Who is he calling “Jen”? I’m his MOTHER! Jesus, Jonah. No respect. Zero. And he talks like a truck driver. Apple, tree. ha.

As I sit here, writing…and drinking my wine, I am trying not to cry. Just thinking about my day.

Life is funny, no? Filled with all kinds of bumps in our roads. And I think we should always try to keep our shit in perspective. I am healthy. And my children are healthy…life is good. Everything else is just meaningless bullshit, and I should just let it roll off my back. But I can’t. I try, but I just can’t. Sometimes, I sweat the small stuff. And sometimes, the big stuff just kicks my ass. What is small to me, might be big to you. And what is big to me might be totally itty-bitty in your scheme of things. Like breaking up with a boyfriend. Where does that fall? If you were to end a really, really amazingly fabulous relationship today…would that be a small, or big thing in your life? ya. Well, it kinda falls in the big section over here.

Which is why I’m carb loading. Sometimes, things just don’t happen as planned. Or they are more difficult then you expected. Or, you’re not on the same page, which totally sucks. Especially when you’re in love. And happy. But listen, it is what it is. And all good things must come to an end. Damn there really is a fucking cliché for everything! I mean, did all y’all read my blog referring to the article “Fuck Yes, or NO!” You just can’t be in a relationship where BOTH of you are not in it to win it. You both need to be a fuck yes. YES! And if one of you is not, then it’s a no. A big fat no. So, ya know what? I will survive. This was a healthy, good…fun relationship. We had great communication. We respected each other on a crazy level. And we loved with all our hearts. But long distance sucks. I’m not sure I will ever do it again, like ever. But Mr.Big-ish is one of the most amazing men I have ever laid my hands on, I mean eyes. Dang. This one is going to take awhile to get over. And, if I’m ever so lucky to have him in Charlotte…he’s all mine, ladies. I will pee on him if I have to. Get it, like a dog. Gross.

Well, thanks for listening. I was definitely venting tonight. My heart hurts. For real, it hurts. I’m sad, and feel empty inside. My kids left with Mark to go to that dang baseball thing. So, I’m sitting here, stuffing my face with carbs. I’m pathetic. Give me a day, I’ll be back to my old bouncy self. Happy-Jen. I’m just upset I never got to post a picture of us on Facebook. Shit, Mr. Big-ish is a a total hottie. I hope I didn’t just make the biggest mistake of my life. OMG. Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life? Whatever. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Another one!

Does anyone have any cupcake mix? No, forget it, I’m going to Dunkin Donuts. ;)

xo j

 

  • Jim

    Sorry to read this, but appreciate the honesty. The journey continues….. xoxox

  • JD

    Pass me a donut and the bourbon, baby! Lets be sad together.