I know what to do.

I wrote a book for fucksake.

I am basically a relationship expert!

I can help other people get happy so what the hell is wrong with me?


I know exactly what’s wrong with me; I don’t practice what I preach! I have been to the seminars and the therapy sessions. I go to Campowerment every year to learn the latest and best practices for healthy relationships. I’ve read all the books and had the most phenomenal¬†teachers. I study this shit inside and out. I know what to do, and what NOT to do, trust me. Now, why can’t I just do it? Why do we fight about such mundane things?

Why can’t we just get along?

I debated writing this.

I thought about it for a long time.

In fact, I might chicken out even now…

As I type.

I might just stop, delete and change my mind. Should I? Nah. It’s an important one I think. But it hurt like hell to hear last week when it happened. So writing it now just brings up the same pain. That nauseating feeling in my stomach when I heard the words coming from his mouth. But like a mom whose kid comes running home and tells a story about her best friend doing something awful, I’m just venting. I want to tell it and move on…but the thing is, can you ever get over it? Like those little girls, those best friends. They made up so quickly and forgot all about the fight. But the mom? Fuck no. You never really liked that little bitch again, am I right?

In fact, you can still remember exactly what she did to your baby.

So, will Y’all hold a grudge? If I tell you what he said…

I am obsessed with Howard Stern.
It’s a new thing, and I can’t stop listening to him.
I love him.
I want to be him when I grow up…and truthfully I’d do just about anything to get on his show.

With that said, this morning he did this “montage” that made me laugh so hard, I cried. Tears were running down my face; I almost got in an accident. Even the boys were laughing! I shit you not; the man is a genius. This montage was of all the things he hates. I’m chuckling just thinking about it. He called it the “Montage of Things I Hate,” duh. So, I feel the need to steal this from him; surely he won’t mind. Howard, do you care? Ha.

The ball has dropped, bitches.
The horns have been a blown.
Balloons popped.
Friends puked.
Bring on 2018.
I have never been so ready for a year in my life.

Ok, so other years not so much. 2015, not a fave. 2009, the fucking worst. And I could give or take 2016. But this year, 2018…bring it on! I am ready, with guns blazing. There is nothing I can’t do. In fact, it’s only a week in, and I’ve already got a plan in action. Stick with me, and I’ll fill you in on a few secrets…