It looks the same.

It smells the same.

My drink tastes the same.

Same lines, and food…and same green aprons.

But it’s just not the same.

I don’t feel the same, ok?

I’m sitting here, on location in San Fran…blogging, and it just doesn’t feel the same. I think I have sensory issues. Yup. I do. I have Asperger’s. Fuck it’s not Mark, it’s clearly me. I am the one. I have been blaming him all this time, and I am the fricking one. I can’t understand why I am in Starbucks and it is clearly the same, but nothing is right. Shit. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I am just not feeling it? Maybe it’s the time change? Nah, I have issues. And besides that, I am freaking out.

In exactly 5 hours I will be meeting the guy.

The guy. I can’t name him yet, because that would be very presumptuous of me, dontcha think? To give the guy a name before he is even a guy? Ya. But I am so nervous I have spent the last 24 hours shopping. I bought 3 new pair of shoes, and a bag. Who needs more shoes? omg. Not . And not only have I been shopping, but I have been sharing “the story” about “the guy” with anyone who will listen. Complete strangers. Sales girls. Waiters. The hotel staff. I feel like I need to share it and get the “ok”. As if I’d change my mind? I’m kinda here already. Not like the opinion of the check out girl at CVS ┬áis going to make me head back to Charlotte, but it’s nice to get everyone’s take. I like lots of affirmation. I also showed his picture to the staff at LUSH. Love them. They hooked me up, and I smell like a candy store. You could eat me.

So, last night, after the best day with Les and the baby…I was exhausted. I decided to go back to the hotel and sleep. I needed my beauty rest. Ya well, I ended up in the hotel bar. Doing tequila shots with the bartender. He was awesome, the music was great…and I got to tell “the story” to everyone. I was in heaven. A great couple next to me gave me their two cents, and said I should not put out. Make him wait. A cool 30-year old waiting on his girlfriend said the same thing. Why buy the cow, right? And I was like, are you all high? I did not fly across the country, and get a Brazilian for nothing! Jeez. But I guess they’re all right. I can wait. He can wait. We can just play Scrabble.

Naked.

Yes, Naked Scrabble. And really, it’s not like anyone is going to know what I do. Unless I was to write about it on this blog. Or post about it on Facebook. Or tweet on Twitter. Or what have you. Which I am not going to do, even if the guy is beyond fabulous…I am going to give him a little privacy. I might blog it after my trip, and give you a “yay or nay”. But that’s it! So, Happy Sunday all y’all…hope you’re enjoying your day as much as I am. And I hope that you all get to feel this kind of nervous-excitement once in your lifetime…it’s rare. You have to take chances, and leap before you look.

The anticipation is killing me. But I have zero expectations, if nothing happens…I have had a wonderful trip to San Fran. And I have made a good friend. I got some new shoes, saw some amazing and beautiful sites…and spent time with my dear friend, and her wonderful family. Do I think this is a love connection? I would bet my life on it. But hey, I believe in happily ever afters…and fairy tales that actually do come true, but it takes two to tango. I can only control my emotions.

So this is a to be continued…

xo j