And here we are on Monday.
Bored, bored…and bored.
Happy Labor Day, all y’all! Hope you had a great one. Hope you all did something fun, and relaxing…or exciting. You went to the club, or you had a BBQ, or maybe you went to the lake? Whateves. I hope you had a fucking better day than me. I did nothing. Wait, no. I did something. I did 4 hours of homework for Medical Terminology, that’s what I did. Labor Day, I labored. Bonus of it all? I had a pumpkin scone at Starbucks while I did it. Whoopie-fuckin’ do. I ate a scone, that was like 2 million-gazillion calories, while I put prefixes and suffixes together to create disgusting words for the Respiratory System. Ya know, tonsillitis, and bronchopharyngealitis, and gooeylarynxes…and elmodyspneainhispantis. Like I’m ever going to use this shit? I’m going to be taking blood pressures, and temperatures. And poking you until you bleed. Literally. This other crap is impossible. I shoulda just gone to med school, what’s 9 years?
But this is the best, ready?
Some prick asked me if I went back to school so I would have more stories for the blog. Yes, he did. He had the balls to come right out and say it. He actually asked me if the whole “going back to MA school” was just a way to “increase my fan base, and add some more interesting plot lines”. Oh my Goddess. Increase my fan base? Do I have a fan base? Wow. How cool. I’m flattered. I do know I have like 53 peeps in China that read it, and 7 in Brazil. It is super-cool to go on Google Analytics and see who’s reading around the Universe. Omg. Do y’all know that there are actually people living on Iceland? Yes! And 3 of them are reading this crap! I make my guys look with me, right after I post. I’m like,”Boys! Check out Russia! And Iran, can you even take this! Some person in Egypt is trying to translate my Yiddish!” Wait, let me say hi. Hi everyone around the World, thanks for reading! I wish I knew some other languages. Ne How! I love it…
The Truth Hurvitz goes Global. Lock down your laptops.
So, that’s first. And second, or is it secondly? Not sure but I’m so flustered right now my fingers just can’t stop…more interesting plots? Am I boring you? Oh, I’m sorry, fuckwad. If I’m sooooo boring why are you continuing to read the blog? Ugh. And why would I ever go back to school, and put myself through this hell, just to have something new to write about? Although, it is pretty funny. Me, back in school after 20 years. And the fact that I’m the only white girl in the entire class does lend itself to some pretty funny material. But come on, loser. I didn’t go back to school, and pay all this money for the sake of my blog numbers. Do a lot of you think this? Is this guy not the only one that is wondering such nonsensical poop?
What is a girl to do? I just blog about my life, you all know that. I write what’s going on day-to-day, whether it’s men, or my kids…or my failed marriage. I write what I write. What’s up in my head. Or the thought bubble above my head. I just write. Nothing is contrived, or artificial. I don’t make this shit up, or plant people places…to create scenarios just so I can have a funny story to tell. I didn’t ask The Face Licker to lick my face, or the Jew Hater to hate Jews. The licker licked, and the hater well, he hated. And so the story was told. Get it? I didn’t get divorced so I could write a blog. I got divorced, and started to write. Remember? So, although I may add a lil “flavor” to my proverbial pot…it tis what ‘tit is. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth…so help me, Goddess.
And that, my friends, is The Truth Hurvitz. ;)