I went off of Match.


Off of Tinder, too. Yuck.

Done, like dinner. Put a fork in it all.

I am so over it. Maybe I’ll be a lesbian.

I’m just kinda messed up. Not from the licking. Although, it shook me. But from this other guy I went out with from Match, and the he’s reason I went off….truth be told. I’m gonna call him, Mr. No Shit Sherlock. Background, he was fab. Great guy. Sweet as sugar. Great smile. Funny as all get out. In fact, he was the one who ripped me a new asshole a couple of blogs back! He called me out about my blog, and my profile on Match! He told me I wasn’t “all that and a bag of chips”, remember? That every “new” woman gets a million hits. YA! I liked him so much, that I went out with him. He was witty, and smart. Wow. Well, Mr. No-Shit Sherlock, totally lost his shit. And his mind. And now, I am upset. And I am never going out with another man again. (for now)

Let me explain.

We had great chemistry. We had great conversation. We had great laughs, and great fun. But we did not have great timing. And he was not a “Fuck Yes!” Ok? Big whoop! So, after only 2 dates, I was honest with Mr. No Shit, and I told him, I was just not into it. It’s my prerogative to change my mind! And after the 4 months of “rebound” with Pita Boy, why would I ever jump back into anything right now! I want to relax, and chill…and ease into something amazing. And real. And I want it to be organic, and feel right. And I was truthful from the start. I was. I told Mr. No-Shit that I wasn’t looking for anything serious. Duh. I’m not even divorced yet.

Mr. No-Shit freaked out. He was in total shock. Like I told him I was pregnant, or something.  And his “Southern Charm” went right down the cornhole-hole, my friends. He started going off on me. Telling me that I “lead him on”. Ummmm, well darhlin’s, (in my best Southern accent) I am sure as shit not leading any man on. I’m as straight shooting as they come. I mean, really? And then I went on to tell him, if he would try and remember, I’m not even divorced yet! I’m still SEPARATED, and how could I even be in a relationship that was serious!!

And then he stops, and gets quiet….

Mr. No Shit-Sherlock says, “You are not DIVORCED yet?”

And I say, “Um, NO assfuck did you read my PROFILE ON MATCH?”

And he goes, “I must have missed that part. I would never have gotten involved with a newly separated woman. This explains everything, especially the ups and downs. And the changing of your mind.  And I don’t DO separated. I learned a long time ago not to date separated women, they are not ready for relationships, and I am sorry. This is my fault. I’m so sorry.

I thought he was mocking me. I really did. I actually asked him if he was serious? Did he not see my status on Match? Did we not have 30 conversations about it? The man reads my blog! Now I was annoyed. I was like, NO SHIT SHERLOCK! I can’t get super serious yet!  And he went on and on, apologizing for his big mistake…choosing to ask me out. A big loser of a woman like myself, not ready for any “real” thing. He’s “treading in waters he knows to avoid“. And I was in shock. I guess, hearing those words from a man, and not my friends, or my shrink was well… a little hard to swallow?

Mr. No-Shit had a few really good points. Just like it’s my prerogative to change my mind, it is his prerogative to NOT date me because I am not divorced yet. And I totally get it. And other people follow that same rule. Some people are just not ready to date…and some people are. I didn’t try to convince him otherwise. Timing is everything, and looks like I was not a “fuck yes!” either. He wanted a woman who is exactly where he is in his life. And it’s just not me. Not yet. Not right this second. Maybe not ever.

But then again, maybe…it would just take the right person. So, thanks Mr. No-Shit for freaking out, and not wanting me at my “current state of being”, but seriously….what a crock of shit. Cause if I was really, truly Mrs. No-Shit, you wouldn’t give a rat’s ass if I was separated or divorced. Am I right? Yes, I am. And this is The Truth Hurvitz. So I will speak the truth, well cause I’m Hurvitz. I totally dig this Mr. No-Shit. He rocks, even if he didn’t like me, and my separated self. And just because he isn’t the “match” for me, doesn’t mean I can’t fix him up. lol. FB message me if you are DIVORCED, ladies. Mr. No-Shit, is totally the shit. ;)

xo j

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