I have so many things I want to write.
So many things I want to say.
But I just can’t.
I’m biting my tongue.
Can you believe I am not saying what I actually want to say? Me. Jennifer Hurvitz, The Queen of All Things Unfiltered. The biggest mouth on the block. The bitch that can’t keep a secret (when it comes to myself) is going to keep my thoughts in my head? OMG. What is going on? Fuck. Am I getting soft? Or is this information I’m holding inside actually that juicy and exciting…that it’s worth the wait? Wow. Who woulda thunk it, Jennifer Hurvitz is keeping a secret….on The Truth Hurvitz. I love it. Man, am I proud of ME!
So, I’m going to move on. Yuppers. I’m going to move on, and leave all y’all with this cryptic-blog post of nothingness. Do with it as you wish. Dream up what you will. Maybe I’m having a baby. Or I’m getting married…omg. Wouldn’t that be SO fun!! Let’s get married first, and then have a kid. Although, having a kid out of wedlock is much more my speed. Wait, maybe I’m adopting a kid from Peru. Or China. Or Guatemala! I love it. A little girl one. YES. I need my girl. Or better yet, I will take one of my good friend, Jason’s kids. He has 3 girls. He doesn’t need them all. For sure he will let me have one of the 3. I’ll just ask his wife. Who needs THREE girls anyway? Don’t you think they should hand one over? ha. I was supposed to have a girl. I mean, aren’t I like the ultimate girly-girl? I am a total DIVA! I deserve a girl. I need a girl.
I don’t want a girl.
They are trouble. And bitchy. And whiny. All drama.
And I am all the girl that any man needs. Amen.
Maybe, I’m getting a book offer. Do you think? OMG! Maybe that’s the big secret! Yes. You do know the name of my book, right? “The Diarrhea of Jennifer Hurvitz“. Not to be confused with “The Diary of Anne Frank“. What, too soon? I think it has a nice ring to it, no? The cover will be a picture of me in a little hooded cloak, in my closet? No? Like stuck in there. In my closet. Get it? lol. I am dying right now. Laughing so hard in my “office” at Starbucks. Come on, y’all…lighten up. Can’t a girl make a little joke about a shitty topic? yeesh. Ok, ok. How about “My Half Jewish Vagina“? Ya, I’ll work on it.
Ok, your guess is as good as mine, I guess. Well, not really. Cause I know the secret. But I’m not telling. Because if I tell you…it won’t be a secret anymore, dummies!! Married. Pregnant. Book offer. Who knows? But whatever the big new is, I’m keeping my lips sealed. At least for now. I don’t want to put a kenahora on it. Ya know, a “ken-a-whore-a“…that’s how you say it. It’s Yiddish for a curse, or like to jinx it. If I tell you, it might jinx it! So stop asking me…
Just let me spew my cryptic-crap on Facebook, and other social media…and cross your fingers. It’s not like I tell you guys EVERYTHING! ;)