I am a healer.
I am passion.
I am light.
I am authenticity.
I am sobbing….and I have FOUND MY PEOPLE.
Yes, I have. And I only have Campowerment to thank for it. And it’s not like I don’t have people here in Charlotte, or in Detroit. I do. But this past weekend, I found MY people. About 140 to be exact. Women who understand what it means to peel back the layers, and expose the inner most parts of your soul. Shut up! What? You don’t want to drink the Kool-Aid? Well, then don’t. I’m not even explaining it right. Or doing this magical place the justice it deserves, but hell…I am trying. Tammi Fuller, the QUEEN of all things Campowerment Director told us to not talk about camp. She said we should try to find the right words, before we even open our mouths about our experience. Wait, and digest it. But I can’t wait!! It’s just like this little piece of goodness that I want to share. I need to share. I have to share it!
This gift called CAMPOWERMENT.
And truth be told if I went to camp before I got divorced…I’d still be married.
Omg. Did I just say that? Shit, I did. And I came to this realization as I sat in a workshop listening to Andrea Quinn. Google her. Go on, I’ll wait here. But hurry up…I don’t have all day. Back? Andrea Quinn is only ONE of the rockstar experts I got to meet at camp. And she was talking about her hubbie putting dishes in the dishwasher. Yup. And how she has told him a thousand times how to do it, and every single time..he still does it wrong. Sound familiar? And every time, we yell at them. We say shit like, “OMG (fill in the blank with your dumb-ass hubbie’s name) how many times have I told you the wine glasses go on the bottom rack or they will break?” Ya. And we bitch. And he rolls his eyes, and tunes us out. And the wine glass breaks. UGH! You yell, and you get annoyed. But really, how important is that wine glass?
More important than your marriage?
Ya, well…being right was more important than mine.
And as I listened to Andrea talk. I started to cry. At first, I wasn’t even sure why! But the tears were rolling down my face, and I realized that was me! I nagged, and I bitched at Mark all the time. And when I did, I took away his smile. AND HIS BALLS! My entire marriage was me trying to do everything MY way, and if it wasn’t ME doing it…then it wasn’t done right. Fuck. That “wine glass” ruined my marriage! How fucking emasculating! I mean, the man couldn’t do anything right? Or could he? YES he could, and YES he can! And more importantly, I can let other people help me. And I can let go, so I have more energy to do the things that make me…well, ME! I can’t do it all. And why should I? Get it?
Well, if you don’t…you’ll just have to hire Andrea Quinn.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, in fact it’s a sign of strength. Thank you Andrea for teaching me that. You are my people. And I will be forever grateful. I learned so much from her, more than I can express. I only have 800 words, for fucksake. You’ll all just have to go to Campowerment. Or if you have a penis, then wait for her book. Sorry, guys…no men allowed at camp! This is a vag-only tribe. And wanna know the funniest thing? We never male-bashed once. Not one time the entire weekend. And you know why? We were too dang busy talking about ourselves! It was all about ME…US! And how we rock as WOMEN! Love it. LOVE it!
I found a signal, and I called Mark.
I told him if I had come to camp before our divorce, we would probably still be married. He laughed. I apologized for being such a nagging biatch, and asked how the kids were doing. He told me to stop crying, get my shit together…and man up. Haha. I hung up, took a look at the Malibu sunset…and realized everything happens for a reason. And if I was meant to be with Mark, I would have found Campowerment earlier in my life. Time to put my past behind me…and use all the amazing tools I learned to better my future relationships. Too bad for Mark! Sucks to be him. My kids will benefit from the new Jen, and my friends. And my boyfriend…who by the way I’ve been hiding from you all.
Whatever! You know you’d talk smack, and be all snarky. Y’all haven’t been the most supportive lately when it comes to my relationships! Although, I can hardly blame you…I have picked a string of losers. But after this weekend, I have learned one thing: It’s not important what you think of me, it’s important what I think of me. And I am strong, and capable….which is probably why I found this man. This amazing man. Well, why we found each other. Happiness just attracts happy, I think. I am in a good place…And I am going to stay here for a long, long time.
Thank you Campowerment for re-igniting my life. Oh, that’s their tag-line…Re-ignite your Life. Has a nice ring to it, don’tcha think? ;)