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I am not going to apologize.

I will not explain myself.

I won’t settle.

I won’t change my mind.

I won’t back down.

I am 43 years old, and I have been there…and done that. And I am not going to do it again. And I’m done feeling bad for wanting what I want. I’m done getting into lengthy discussions about the choices I’m making in my life, with my kids…and my vagina. There, I said it. I actually put my kids, in the same sentence with my vagina and I don’t feel bad about it. Why? Because I can. And I don’t give a fuck. They are MY kids, and it’s MY life. And it’s MY FUCKING VAGINA! And I am so totally done apologizing for all the choices I’ve been making.

I AM NOT SORRY THAT I WANT A REAL RELATIONSHIP, YOU DOUCHEBAGS!

I am not.

I’m not sorry that I want to have sex with ONE guy. I will not apologize because I want to fall in mad-love, and eat Lucky Charms at night with one person. And binge-watch Netflix together in our sweatpants. I want to go out with other couples. And take a guy to my school auction. I am ready to do real stuff! I won’t feel bad for wanting to make love. OMG. Did Blog Jen actually say MAKE LOVE? Yes I did. A woman can change her damn mind, you assholes! I’m allowed to change my fucking mind!! I want to scream. I want to yell…and cry. In fact, I did. I cried my fucking eyes out last night, yes I did. I met this guy. He’s so good. And funny. Aren’t they all? No. But this guy, he was. Is. Whatever. And he just got separated. RED FLAG. Don’t do it ladies, don’t do it. Stay far…far away from the ones that need to be taught. Taught how to date. Taught how to “get back out there”. Taught how to pull out without getting cum on the comforter. Ya. Ooops. Well, anywhoo. He was awesome. Is awesome. Whatever.

And now, he’s gone. Poof. Why? Because I want more. I wanted more. Past tense, present tense. Future tense. Who cares what tense!! A girl can change her mind! I want to MAKE LOVE, NOT FUCK! Omg. I said it. Blog Jen wants to make love, not fuck. But can you blame me? I did my time. I did my thang. I got separated. I did the whole, post-divorce Romp of Lust. I partied my little tushie off, and rolled in the hay so-to-speak. And now, 3 years later…I want to find the one dude that does it for me. The one fantasmo fella that will be man enough to go off Match, and stay off while he sees if I’m the one. I mean, like it’s so much to ask? Take a chance losers. Give a relationship a real shot. Give ME a real shot.

How can you even like the one you’re with, when you’re always looking who’s walking in the bar door? You get it, right? Perfect example: I was sitting at dinner with this guy, Mr.SuddendlySeperated, and we had just had sex for the first time. ¬†And it was fantastic. Like, unreal-fantastic. Best connection I’ve had in like forever. We are good. So good. And we are ordering our meal, and he pulls out his phone. Pulls out. ha. Get it. Funny shit. So, he pulls out his phone, and starts telling me about this girl he’s talking to on Match. At the table, after we had just had sex for the first time. I can’t make this shit up. I really can’t. I am trying so hard not to not punch his fucking face in, and I can’t eat. I can’t really look him in the eyes.

But I can finish my drink…

Oh, and I can pay for dinner. Nice.

And I can muster up enough energy to get back on Match the next day.

And I can, and did dump his hot ass.

So, Mr. SuddenlySeperated is now suddenly single. And I am suddenly over it all. And I’m not sorry. And I’m not going to shed one more tear. I want what I want. And that my friends, is to be in love. I want one guy to want just me. And I want to be treated with fucking respect. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. No sorries. No apologies. No settling for anything less. I’m on my way to make me a tee shirt…

Blog Jen don’t fuck…she MAKES LOVE.¬†Should I use bold print and maybe a little glitter? Yes! Glitter! I love glitter. ;)

xo j

 

 

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