All…Or maybe you can? Well, duh. It’s totally a Man’s World, anywhoo. You get paid more than women for the exact same job, you don’t have to push any kids out a tiny gash in your vag…and you get to walk around with a “secret weapon” hanging between your legs, that obviously controls your brain. Hmmm. I guess you can have it all! You are men; clearly the superior gender. I’m hoping you can read my sarcasm font. But I just find it so totally and completely amusing that when you have SO much, you always want a smidgen more. Give you an inch, you take a mile…when is it ever enough? Why are you constantly expecting extra? More sex, another crotch shot…another minute on the X-box. Really?
So, we all know I write a blog. Duh, you’re here.
Hello!! It’s not that hard to find! I mean, if you are on Facebook…I’m there. If you’re on Twitter, there I am! LinkedIn, Google+ and Bloglovin’. Omg. It’s annoying already, but it is what it is. And the only reason I’m not on Instagram is to protect my kids. And so far, so good. Not one kid has found me. Phew. Well, except for this one 9th grader. He emailed me, and told me that he thinks my blog “totally rocks”. But to please never tell his parents he reads it, or he will be grounded for life. I was flattered in a fucked-up kinda way. I replied, (named changed) “Moshe, your secret is safe with me. I’m pretty sure if your parents ever found out you read my blog. I’d be grounded, too.” Yeesh. Anyway, my point? In this psycho world of cyber dating, we are all easy to find. And everyone looks. It’s just par for the course; sad but true.
So, go ahead…do it. Google me. Come on! Go! Open another window, and put “Jennifer Weintraub” into the fucking google bar! There’s a point all y’all, trust me. Done? Ok, see how easy it is to find my blog? YA I KNOW!! So these guys, can do it. In one, fast Google search…they know about The Truth Hurvitz. My secret is out, and there is no hiding it. I have a blog. Big whoop! And yes, while the reaction is always different, I have to give a speech. Every time I meet a guy, there’s “the talk”. I feel like I should have it prerecorded on my phone, like and audio text. Best idea! So I don’t have to keep saying it over and over…and over. I want to rip my fucking tongue out. But I have to do it. I have to give my spiel. Explain why it’s hard to date me. And how the content is dirty, and kinda “out there”. And they all say they get it. And they all say they can deal. And they all say, “Oh, I love it!” And then, they read it. Or they have already read it. Like dissected it. They might know lines from it, or paragraphs….Or actual titles. Holy fuckballs.
But then, it happens.
Ready? They say…
“I have stories just like these about WOMEN. I should write a blog!”
BAM! And there it is. And I can say with 100% conviction that this statement happens at least 90% of the time. Ya. It does. They start chirping about the book they are working on, or the hundreds of crumpled up papers stashed under their mattresses. And some even ask if I would help them get a start on their “novels”. Wowza. I am usually flattered. It’s sweet. I smile, sorta. I give them a little encouragement-ish. And then, in the bubble above my head I’m screaming: Why can’t any man just be happy with what they have? You have a job! You make a nice living! Come on, Mister! This BLOG is MY JOB! Go do yours, dammit! Do you really have to have it all? You don’t see me trying to be an accountant after our first date. Or going back to med school, just because I think you stitching up that flesh wound was kinda cool. OMG! And sure, I thought how you saved that kid from the burning building was super-sexy…but am I trying to be a firefighter anytime soon? You get it, right? Men, stick to your day jobs. Leave the blogging to me.
It’s my blog, all y’all. Mine…
Unless…wait just a minute. Unless, I might actually be onto something here. Unless (I’ve said it like 3 times now) YES! What if I give you men a shot at this blogging thing? Who wants to be a blogger? Who wants to try it out on THE TRUTH HURVITZ? You guys think you can do it? You want to share your stories with the world, well…a big, huge fucking audience? Bring it! I’ll give you a chance here on The Truth Hurvitz, and you don’t even need to use your real name. You can be anonymous! You can pick your topic, and I will post it! Just inbox me on my FACEBOOK page if you’re serious, and I’ll give you the details. May the best man win! I’ll be the judge, and jury…speak the TRUTH and from your heart. And I’ll pick the best entry, and put it on the site. Better start writing guys, you only have a month. Deadline is July 1st, ok? I’ll keep reminding you on my The Truth Hurvitz FACEBOOK page, 700 words or less! Now go…
This is a great opportunity fellas, don’t let me down! And remember…try and keep it clean, please. I offend easily. ;)