I am so sick of being sick.

I’m starting to smell like funk. And cheese. Funky cheese.

I am too weak to shower, or get up to brush my teeth.

I am just laying here, in my own gross stank.

Don’t I sound appealing? Who wants me now, Match.commers!? Come on and light my shit up! haha.

I actually got an email last night from some guy, telling me to get off my “high horse” and realize that ALL women get bombarded on Match. That ALL women are targets for men, and that I am nothing special. That I shouldn’t think that my cherry-tying skills and Wobbling are reasons for any type of high traffic situation. And that all men are just searching for a “chest and a hoo hoo”. I love this guy.  A chest and a hoo hoo. Love it. I was dying. And he actually told me I could put it in my blog. So I am. And really, I loved reading his email. He told me where to go, and I went. I thought he was the wittiest dude. So, listen here, Mr. Bust My Balls…I dig you. And I appreciate your honest opinion. If you think it’s normal forALL women to be bombarded with 300 emails within the first 24 hours of being on Match, then I feel better. And I also think, you slamming my love for Mr. Hot Soccer Guy was a bit harsh. He happened to be more than just a pretty face. And I happen to know how to pick ’em. Give a girl a little credit, will ya? I am not, after all….just looking for a chest and a hoo hoo. I am honestly looking for a man I can trust. Oh, and a nice ass.

Trustworthy, and a hot piece of ass.

What else does a girl need in life? Well, I’ll tell ya this much. I need a friend. And a nice boy. And a guy that listens to me when I’m talking. Not just shakes his head, like an asshole. But really listens. A guy that I can lay next to in bed, and just be. Be still. Be there. Be quiet. Just be. Be with him, and not have to talk. Or be uncomfortable….wondering what he is thinking. Or what he’s going to say next. Or what I should say. I want to be wanted. And I want to want. So, can I put that on my Match.com profile? Forget the cherry tying skills. Forget the Wobbling. And forget the hoo hoo, and crap. I just want a guy that I can be with. And be me. I want to lay in bed, and just listen to music….and look up an see him just smiling. And think, “he fucking rocks”.

So, here’s what my profile would look like if I had the balls. And sometimes I think I do. I mean wouldn’t life just be easier if we all just said how we really felt?
Hi. I’m Jen. I have no interest in bullshit. Or wasting time. Let’s just cut to the chase, and get to the real stuff. I don’t want you to think about having sex with me until you can answer these three questions, and no cheating. Ready, set…go.
1) What’s my middle name?
2) What is the most important thing to me in the Universe?
3) What am I thinking right now?
Ha. Wouldn’t life be great? Ya. If every man could just read my mind, and know what I was feeling. Shit. I have proved my point. Life isn’t easy. It’s complicated. Emotions are up and down. Life is up and down. It’s a roller coaster… you never know what you’re going to get from one day to the next. Pita Boy didn’t like my “highs and lows”.  I get it, sure. But isn’t that what life is all about? The surprises? The taking the good with the bad..the journey. The climb. The adventure…
The ride.
Life is short. I want to be with a guy who wants me. Not needs me. Think about that. I like to want, it’s a totally yummy feeling. I want ice cream, I don’t need it. I want a glass of wine, I hope to god I don’t ever NEED it. I want sex. WANT it. Needing it? Yikes. I want to be wanted. I do not need a man. I want a man. No woman should ever NEED a man. Needing a man, is for the birds. Shit, ladies, we don’t need men. WE WANT THEM!
I want to feel better. Ok, I need to feel better. I need to get my ass out of this bed. And I need to shower. Wants and needs. I want to meet a sweet man. But do I need to? Nope. I will be just fine on my own. I have two of the sweetest boys ever, and they need me…every single day. ;)
xo j