There are wants.

And there are needs.

New tits? A want.

Tampons?  A need.

And it only took me 42 years to figure it out.

As I sit here, thinking about MEN, this is where I end up. To my wants vs. my needs. Ok? Like when I was younger, and we learned about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs in Psych 101. That silly class we all took freshman year in college, I was there like, twice. I think. Maybe three times, but I was high for sure. And we learned about Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’s death thingy, and Pavlov’s doggies. But the want vs. need thing, it stuck with me. Gotta say, I’m impressed I remember any of it! But there is food, and water…shelter, blah blah blah…and it’s shaped in a triangle. It has colors, I remember that. And Maslow tells us that we have things in life that we want..and those things that we need. Things we can’t survive without. New tits, we might want…but surely they’re not a necessity. No, they are not!

I have come to the conclusion over this past year, that I don’t need shit.

I don’t need a big, huge house in Quail Hollow. I don’t need a Range Rover. I don’t need a country club, or a decorator…or even a husband. Nope. I don’t. And I don’t need a big grill. I can have a little grill, and it still grills the same hamburgers as that big, shiny-fancy one grills. I am ok with not needing my nails done at the Ballantyne Resort every week, although I do miss my girl Angela. And obviously I don’t need anyone to help me paint my deck. I did it myself, dammit. I mean, really! Before I married Mark, I did it all. I lived in this little house in Birmingham, Michigan, that I furnished from TJ Maxx. I paid for it all myself. I drove a Honda Civic, and the payment was $214.00 a month. I can remember asking my best friend to borrow money…just so I didn’t have to ask my parents. lol. I had a wicked sense of pride. I lost that girl when I got married.

She’s back.

And I don’t need anything. But I want. I want a lot of things. I want to be happy. And if one more asshole asks me why I need a man, I might knock them out. For real. To the ground. I had this married friend ask me,”How is it possible that you are emotionally equipped to handle dating after yet another break up? I mean, why do you need a man?”

Fuck you. Fuck off. And go fuck yourself.

Wait, should I tell you how I really feel?

I don’t need any man. But I want one. Why? It’s so simple. It’s easy, a no brainer. I want things around me that make me feel good. My kids, my friends. My family. I want them near me. I want them to share in my life. I want to be happy, and enjoy myself now. For Goddess sake, I was miserable for the past 5 years, can’t I have some fun? Don’t I kinda deserve that? It’s my time. And I want a guy to share it with me, too. When the kids are asleep, it’s nice to know there is someone to talk to. Someone to share my day with. As long as its good. And easy, and fun.  I WANT. I don’t need any man. I got this thing. I’m good all by myself, ok? I don’t need his money. I don’t need his kids, or his house. I don’t need him to fuck me. Or make me feel better about myself. Or sing me sweet love songs. Or give me crazy-attention. I just want him to want me, and I want to want him back….

Is that so bad?

So stop judging me. Stop sending me messages telling me to “take some time” and “find myself”. Even though you’re trying to help, you’re not. You’re making me feel like dating makes me a crazy-person. Or desperate. Or a slut. And most of you that are telling me to “take some time” are married, which is even more fucked up. You have a person to spend your nights with! So save it.

I don’t need a man. I need water, and food. Although, I don’t drink enough water. I have kidney stones to prove it. And food is overrated. I want my teeth whitened. And I want to be in love. And I want people to stop being so damn mean to me all the time. I want a guy to just be sweet, and love me up. And I will be sweet, and we can hang out, and not get married….like Kurt and Goldie. That’s what I want. And I don’t need anything else. Ok, I do need a few other things. I need wine. And my Uggs, and my iPhone. I just can’t breathe without it. ;)

xo j



  • Alan

    Amen, sister! I couldn’t have said it better. Hold your ground and don’t settle . If a man comes into your life and it is ba shart you will know it. If not oh well. You don’t need anyone. You want the right one. The right road is never the easy road. And the easy road is never right. Stay on your path. Alan