Happy Birthday to me…

Happy Birthday, to me….
Happy Birthday dear JENNIFER!!
Happy Birthday to ME!!!!
FUCK YES IT’S ALMOST MY BIRTHDAY!
I am going to be 40-something in a few days, and I am thrilled! I’m single, I’m sexy… and I am loving life! Whoop Whoop!
Can you feel it? Don’t I just ooooze happiness out of my pores?
Ok, maybe I don’t ooze just yet. But I’m getting there. I am. I really am. Some days, I am.
I feel better, dammit.
Look, one day at a time, okay? I am stronger, and more independent. I have my own house. I can change my own light bulbs. And pay my own bills. I have my own plunger. Omg. I have my very own plunger, and I plunged my toilet for the first time….ALL BY MYSELF. I am in the “Single Mom’s Club”. And ya know what? I’m proud of me. My kids are proud of me, too. I am now the mom and the dad. And listen, it ain’t easy. I have never done both jobs at the same time. Well, I did… when Mark was out of town, but I always knew he would be home at the end of the week, to clean up my mess. If I fucked something up, he would fix it. But now, nope! If I forget to take the garbage out, I’m running down the street half- naked, in the rain…chasing after the garbage truck. And it’s not pretty. Trust me. Erase that visual from your mind right now. Poof. Sagging boobies and all.
I’m getting better. One day at a time, it’s getting easier. And I am loving being able to do what I want, when I want to do it. Last weekend I think my friends thought I was insane, when I posted on Facebook that I was taking a little jaunt to Charleston for the night. A birthday gift to myself. I got more calls and texts, asking if I was “ok”. Like I was going to hang myself or something? lol. Hey ladies! It’s really okay to go on a trip ALONE! I am a big girl! You should try it sometime, it’s called INDEPENDENCE! It’s kinda like, amazing. Have you ever eaten a meal by yourself? Or gone to a movie? Or sat at a bar? Just talked to people that aren’t your people? Omg. I love it. I love to just have conversations with peeps who have no connection to anyone, or anything in my life. No judgement. No criticism. No bullshit. Just talk about nothing. And you walk away feeling content.  And how about walking down the street, with absolutely no purpose. No where to go, nothing to do. No place to be…
If there is an upside to being divorced, I think this must be it.
Just being able to be alone.
At first, I was so distraught. I hated it. I couldn’t stand the quiet. I missed the boys, I still do, duh! But this weekend, I was able to find the positive parts of being away from them. I drove alone, I listened to MY music. No one asked me to change it. No one asked me to give them a drink, or where the chips were. Or “are we there yet”, or “change the movie”. No one complained about he car being too hot, or too cold. I stopped when I wanted to pee. OMG I got to stop when I had to pee! I used to have to beg to stop! Mark would make me wait til I was floating. Literally. I picked the hotel, and the restaurants. I slept in late, I shopped on my schedule. Fuck, the whole thing was for ME! Selfish, right? ha. It was MY time. And the best thing? I bought what I wanted to buy. And no one gave me that “look”. Ya know the look. The “do you reaaallly need that” look. No one tapping their foot, or looking at their watch. Or groaning, or bitching… or rolling their eyes. No one taking food off my plate. Or skipping the ice cream, when it was the only thing I wanted in the whole damn place. Do I sound resentful? Was it asking SO much? Jesus. It was the little things. Give me the flipping ice cream. lol.Just me, myself and I.

I WAS IN MY OWN WORLD AND I OWNED IT, BABY!

The manger at Cynthia Rowley even gave me a discount on my outfit for my Bday party. She said I deserved it, for getting through my first year of a divorce. Girl Power. Love it. You rock, sales girl. Pay it forward, honey, it all comes back in the end. And I got a sweet upgrade on my hotel room, a big ass suite. Dang. It pays to express yourself. Talk about it. Share your stories. Now, I’ll I need is a hottie to celebrate with this Saturday night. Whooooa. Forget that! I’m over the boys. I have a date with 10 of my girls at Fahrenheit Charlotte.  And I am going to hang with the vagina. I’ve had just about enough of the penis in this world. And if one more guy tells me, he’s “intimidated by me”,  I might just invite him to have a seat at the VAGINA table. Please guys… grab your man parts, and man-up! It’s not like I write a blog with a thousands of readers! Why would you ever be flustered by lil ‘ole me? ha.
So, on this birthday…the year of my 42nd on this planet, I can only make one wish. And it’s a pretty big one. Are you ready? On the count of three. One, two…three…BLOW!

Oh puhlease. A girl never gives away all her secrets. Happy Birthday, to me. And many mooorreee. ;)

xo j