Ok, so today I’m going to do things just a little bit differently. Wait, hold on. Let me explain. Today is my BIRTHDAY! Not a big one, just an in-betweener. You know, like an in-the-middle bday…like a 26 or a 32. Nothing to write home about. Nothing special, or cool. No one is creating a “number” card at Hallmark, or singing a famous song about it. Nope. Nobody is planning a big bash, or going on a girl’s trip…no siree-bob! This birthday is just a boring, everyday kinda day. I’m turning a whopping forty-four, and I’m just thrilled. Yippee. (Can you feel the excitement oozing from the screen?)
So, with that said, I have decided to make this blog a little bit out of the ordinary.
I’m going to ask for a few EXTRA-SPECIAL things from you, my readers…for my Birthday! I know, it’s a little unconventional. And maybe it seems a little weird; we hardly know each other. But shit, I’ve been writing for y’all for 2 years now! I think you can do me a solid, and get me at least a little something? Just one or two things off my list? Come on! Just read it, and then…pick one. Or a couple. Or if you’re feeling REALLY, really generous…you can give me more. But it’s my in-betweener bday, and I just think you should. Won’t cost you a thing, I promise.
Ready? Here we go:
- RESPECT. I’d like some godforsaken respect, is that too much to ask? I would love for people to just think I’m good enough. To think highly of me, and admire me for trying. I’m trying, ok? Give me a little credit! Respect me. In any capacity, or actually…for my work. Just appreciate my achievements for once. Ya know, some R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Sing it, Aretha. I got you on backup.
- KINDNESS. How about a little kindness. Not like, here’s a puppy-kindness. Or flowers, but that would be sweet. Just be kind to me, and my children. Realize that a smile is just a nice thing to do. It’s just as easy to be nice as it is to be a bitch. Try it, be kind to me…and one another. Koombaya, my lord. And a big smoke ’em peace pipe. Smile!
- HONESTY. I know, how about just the fucking truth for once? You can wrap that up with a nice, big bow and birthday paper all day long. What is wrong with this world!? Why can’t we all stop bullshitting each other, and just be honest! I mean, do you have a girlfriend? It’s really a yes, or a no. And if we are dating, it should clearly be a big, fat NO! Grrrr.
- UNDERSTANDING. Try and walk a day in my shoes. Have you been divorced before? Do you know what its like to be a single parent, living all alone…far away from family? Have you been thrown back in the dating scene after being married for 13 years, only to find yourself surrounded by douchebags and pricks? Continuing to make mistake after mistake? Ya. I didn’t think so. So, just try and be a Tad Martin understanding of my situation. And I’ll remember how much you hate your husband and his golfing every weekend. Fair?
- SUPPORT. Just be a friend. Don’t judge me. If you don’t like what I do here, or on my VLOG don’t read, don’t watch…but don’t judge. Hell, don’t even ask me how it’s going! But please, don’t badmouth my choices. They are mine to live with. Just support. Look, I’m not to asking you to LIKE what I do. Just be like a sports bra on a really bumpy bike ride…one of those extra big, stretchy ones.
- LAUGHTER. Just laughs. Lots and lots of laughs. Big ones, small ones…and everything in-between. Oh, you can bottle the laughter up, ships better that way. ;)
- TRUST. This should be numero uno on my list! What was I thinking? I have none. I need more; I am just plain out of it. Sucked dry, if I’m being honest. Please, this past year I’ve lost my trust in everyone. Basically, mankind. I thought people were good, and honest…and real. Boy was I wrong. It’s my birthday, please…can you send it overnight?
- FRIENDSHIP. Old ones, new ones…I don’t care. Near ones, far ones…I don’t care. I’m not picky: black, white, gay, straight…purple, green…just gimme them. Cause someone once said, you’ve got’ta have friends. And I think I’m a really good one, and if not…I’ll be better this year.
- LOVE. A deep affection, fondness, intimacy…should I go on? Gimme it all. In its truest, deepest form. From the tippiest-tips of my toes, to the toppyist-top of my head…I want it. In the shape of a man, por favor. Brad Pitt, or maybe Adam Levine-ish would be my first choice. But shit, I’m not picky. As long as he doesn’t lie, cheat or leave me for a flappy vagina. (it just never gets old)
- STRENGTH. Give me the power to face my fears, my failures..and adversities. The strength to get back up when I fall, and the courage to be vulnerable. To keep on going, even when the rest of the world says to give up the fight. Hmmm, now who’s got this in a pill form? Would be so much easier to swallow.
Ok, not such a long list, right? Now, I figure if each of y’all send like 3 or 4 things, I should be set for the year. Then, next Birthday…I can make a new list! And it’s my 45th! And FORTY-FIVE is a BIG BDAY! Not one of the in-betweeners, so I can basically get anything I want. Yup. So, i’ll be adding a facelift, new tits…and a BMW convertible to that one. Happy Birthday to Me, all y’all. And thank you for a wonderful year on The Truth Hurvitz. It’s truly been one hell of a ride…don’tcha think? ;)