I was talking to this guy.
And he lives in another state. Far, far….away.
Not another galaxy. But it seriously might as well be. It’s fucking Iowa.
I mean who lives in Iowa?
What is even in Iowa? Is it a real state? Do they have a State Bird, or tree? Do they have people? If they do, they are probably slow-talkers. Like here in Charlotte. lol. Sloooooow talkers. “Jennnn, whhhaatttcchhhaaa dooiiinnngggg???” hahhaa. No, no… I’m totally kidding. That didn’t sound slow. That sounded fucking stttooppid. omg. NO one in Charlotte speaks like that. Not one person. My friends are going to kill me for even implying that they sound like assholes. They may sound like hicks. and have dumb sounding accents….that clearly knock their IQs down a few points, but they do not sound like losers. In fact, when I’m with my best friend, Tammy…I start talking like her. Whatever. I do. Not gonna lie. I love you, Charlotte. You are my home. My peeps. And you’ve been so dang good to me. Now, who the hell lives in Iowa?
Oh ya, this guy.
This yummy, sweet…delicious guy. He lives in IOWA. I-O-W-AAA. And he might eat chicken wings for breakfast, but he is amazing. And smart, and sexy. And he plays “haacky”. AKA, hockey. He calls it “puck”. Who calls HOCKEY “puck”? Only in Iowa. Anyways, Mr. Iowa thinks long distance relationships can work. We talk on the phone. We text. We Skype. And I think about his hot ass all day long. Wow. Really fun. Can you hear the sarcasm in my voice? I figure now that we have been blogfriends for awhile, you can pick up when I’m being facetious. Well, I am. I think long distance SUCKS! And what about when there is no end in sight? No light at the end of the tunnel. NO way I am ever going to be with this person that makes me smile all day, everyday! OMG I WANT TO CRY!!! Did he not read my profile? I am never leaving North Carolina. Dammit.
So, I have to put this out there…
What is the point of falling for a guy that is “geographically undesirable”?
Why, would any woman be so dumb as to walk into that fiery pit of doom? Knowing that it’s never going to work, and her life is just going to be filled with pain and a big, fat fucking broken heart?! WHY AM I SUCH A SUCKER FOR A SEXY PHONE VOICE, AND A GREAT SEXTER? ha. I am so in like. I dig this fella. He kinda rocks my world. He makes me smile. My phone “dings” and I go all gooey. I regress back into my teenage years when my palms got all sweaty, and my stomach flipped. Sigh. Mr. Iowa is a total dreamboat. A dreamboat with a job that landed him in the sticks. Or is it the styx? I think that’s an 80’s hair band. Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto, Domo. Dang, I loved that song. Sticks. Right. BFE. Well, it’s BFE to me. He likes it there. In sunny IOOOWWAA. Where you need a passport to get there. Hmmm.
But, I am stuck in Charlotte. Actually, I wouldn’t say stuck. More like, stable. My kids are content here. Their Dad is here. They are happy here. I am happy here. Our life is here. And haven’t we all been through enough change over the past year? Isn’t it the boys turn to have a little stability? I know, you’re all thinking, “kids are resilient, and they will be happy if I’m happy”. But what if I am happy in Charlotte? What if…seeing my boys happy makes me happy? I feel like I’ve made some huge mistakes over the last year. And I’ve learned that I’m super impulsive. I never look before I leap, right? And hey, I think that’s okay sometimes. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and that’s okay, too. I’m vulnerable, and I put myself out there. Fuck, if I don’t, how will I ever fall in love?
I want to be in love again. I really do. I just love being in love. (cue music.)
I can not let “geographically undesirable” stop me. I just can’t! Whether a guy lives in Nashville, or Detroit… or Tulsa, or India….if he is the one for me, then he will understand that Charlotte is my home. And I’m happily stuck. Stuck, and happy. And here for the long haul. Or at least until my boys go to college. Which really isn’t that far away. Jeez. Now I’m getting a little lump in my throat…gulp. And maybe, having a guy live in another state is a GOOD thing! He won’t be all up in my shit. And bugging me all the time. Asking me where I am, and what I’m doing. And annoying the fuck out of me. I can spend my weeks with my boys, alone. And totally focus on them. OMG. I love this plan. And then, when I have my weeks away from the boys…I can focus on my new guy!! I am totally loving “geographically undesirable”, aren’t you?!
So if Jdate finds me a 100% match-er-roo that just happens to live in DC, or Kentucky… or Greenville, then I’m just going to have to invest in a good long distance plan. And learn how to look good on my iPhone camera. I mean how hard can it be to lose 10lbs? And don’t you even pretend that you haven’t had phone sex or Skype-sex! This is the age of technology, peeps! Cyber sex is all you’ve got if you plan on giving up on the local dating scene. Broaden your horizons….and open your dating world. It’s time to branch out of our hometowns, and see men in other places as prospective partners! I feel great about this!
Now, if I could just convince Mr. Iowa to be with me. Or Mr. South Carolina. Or…Mr. Florida, or Mr. India. Or even Mr. Fucking Atlanta. Shit. Well, I do know this…the best thing about “Geographically Undesirable”, is when you finally get together in a room…there is nothing “undesirable” about you. For hours, and hours…and hours. ;)