My new mantra. Actually, it’s on the bracelet that Mark just got me for Mother’s Day. Yup, pick your mouths up off the floor, y’all. Mark got me a bracelet for Mother’s Day. Not from the boys, but from him. And yes, I sobbed. And yes I was in shock, and yes…of course I asked him why? And he said without hesitation, “Because you are the Mother of my children. And you deserve a present from me.” Now, if that’s not a good ex-hubbie, I don’t know who is. And sure it’s not the norm, but I’m thrilled he’s mine. Truth be told, I am having a really shitty day. So, maybe he knows that too? Maybe he is trying to make me feel a little bit better by getting me a lil gift? Well, Sparky. It worked, I’m smiling. And you made it happen. Thank you. I still can’t believe I got snot on your shirt. My bad.
She believed she could, so she did.
Jesus. If it was only that easy, right? If only I could wish it all to happen. Snap my fingers, and my pilot gets picked up by HBO. The Jedi Mind thingy…wait…I’m doing it now. Concentrate. I’m believing it. Go! Did it work? Is that guy I loved so much last week loving me back? Nope. But fuck, I believed it. So it shouldn’t it be done? Did? Diddily-do-doo. Whatever. He sucks. And it all sucks. And I am done. It’s my new mantra, and I’m going to start believing in ME! MEEEE! ME! Jennifer Hurvitz Weintraub and that’s it! No more listening to other people blowing smoke up my ass. No more men selling me the farm, or the ranch in Oregon. No siree bob! I’m going to make my own destiny. I’m going to trust myself, and nobody else. I am going to focus on what’s here and now. Live in the present…one day at a time.
She believed she could, so she did.
I can, and I will. I can wake up tomorrow morning on Mother’s Day and be grateful for the things I have in front of me. My children. My boys, that are only going to be under my roof for a few more precious years. I can spend the little time I have left being their mom…before they run off and grow up. I can spoil them, and love them. I can cherish the moments they let me snuggle them up, when no one is looking. And be first in the pick up line with Starbucks, even if it means getting there an hour early! I can listen to their silly stories, and not get annoyed when they don’t shut up. I can put down my phone, and pay attention to them. I can, and I will. I can make a promise to myself to slow down, and enjoy them. Not just say it. But actually do it. Don’t you feel that way sometimes? Like they know you’re not actually listening? I want to be a better Mom this year. I can be a better Mom, and I will. Pinky swear.
Even if it means giving up on men all together.
I got dumped today. Yup. Last night, I changed my status to “in a relationship” on Facebook. It was up for like 45 seconds, and ripped it down. Thank Goddess. Because today, I got dumped. Totes. I can’t make this shit up. No sense in even talking about him. Or giving him a name. Or wasting my breath. He broke it off because he didn’t want to “interfere” with my kids, and our relationship. Wow. That’s a new one! He actually thought he was being nice, and thoughtful. He didn’t want to get in the way of my children. That’s the bullshit excuse he gave me. It was painfully clear to him when I felt guilty missing a baseball game. Fuck you, Daddy-O. Ya, I love my kids! They come first, and you can kiss my ass. And yes, I worship my boys. And no, I won’t apologize. Not that he ever asked me to. He just let me go. Didn’t even fight to keep me. Ouch.
So, Happy Mother’s Day to ME!
I am sitting here sobbing, and popping Xanax like they’re Tic-Tacs. But any guy who doesn’t get that my job is being a MOM can piss off. I have like the best custody arrangement in the world, for fucksake! Week on-week off. You tell me where you’ll find an easier chick to date? C’mon! I actually got the boot for being a good mom. I’ve heard it all. And I don’t want that guy anyhoo. I want a guy that understands my kids come first. And that I am fully capable of giving him ALL OF ME when I’m away from them. Sigh. Truth is, I’m hurt. And sad. And I was pretty damn sure he was it for me. And I know I was it for him. We were each other’s its. And if he’s reading this, he will be so upset that I said such nasty-ass stuff.
But he will also know how much I love him. And my heart hurts. And he knows that, too.
She believed she could, so she did. I believe I can have it all. A guy that gets me, and appreciates me for all that I am. And understands my relationship with my boys, including Mark. I believe that I can have a fairy tale, and a Prince with a white horse. And I still believe in Happily Ever After…I do. ;)