Family

 

back to school It’s rainy.

And gloomy…

Pretty gross out today.

Perfect for driving.

NOT. So, of course…I’m only that much more freaked out as I watch Jonah drive away in the Prius with the STUDENT DRIVER sign on the top. Oh fuck. Not only do I officially have a kid old enough to be driving, in two weeks he’s starting high school. I can’t stop crying. In fact, I haven’t stopped crying for days.

I’m filled with so many emotions.

But why?

Is it because Jonah is growing up so fast, or that I am? 

IMG_2570I was bullied.

Not gonna lie.

In fact, I was sexually assaulted.

Yup.

I was teased, too. And emotionally abused by my sorority sisters…and I’m pretty fucking sure I was date raped. After all, “No means no”, right? Well, it was supposed to. And that was all in my Freshman year at MSU. So, as I watched the Netflix Mini-Series 13 Reasons Why, I was overwhelmed with emotions. The same exact ones I remember having back in college, when I heard that I was video-taped by a frat guy without my consent. Oh, gets better…he showed it to his entire Fall Pledge Class. Ya, welcome to Bullying 101. Or is that Sexual harassment 200? Who cares. My life was changed forever. A little piece of my soul, taken from me…without my consent.

But I survived. 

imgres-2Shoes.

Water bottle.

Lulu pants.

Lulu tank.

Lulu jacket.

Lulu thong. And I could stop this blog right here…CUT! If we were filming a TV pilot, or a screenplay…the director would be screaming, “CUT!” Cause I mean, it’s just so fucking stupid how dumb it all is. I’m getting ready this morning to take my boys on a hike in the mountains. Ya, you heard me correctly. A HIKE in the MOUNTAINS. And I yell up to them, “Get dressed guys, we are leaving in 5 minutes…I’ll be ready in like 20!” Holy shit, I run to my room…and I start pulling crap out of my drawers for this day in the woods.

They want to go HIKING with ME! YES!  

images-2My ass is flat.

My tits are saggy.

My arms jiggle.

My kneecaps are loose.

My left pinky toe is crooked.

I mean, is there anything I like about ME?

Oh, ya!! I kinda, sorta…maybe like my legs. Oh, and my hair. I have great hair. NO, strike that! I USED to have great hair, until last week. I went to a new guy that chopped it off and now I look like a fucking dyke. A southern-bell dyke. NO offense gay women. I love you, and one of my very best friends in San Fran is gay. And she told me I could say “dyke”. Although when I texted her to ask, I spelled it “dike” which made her laugh. Ha. I thought it was DIKE. I’m so not a dyke. I can’t even spell it right! She’s a sexy-punky dyke, though. She has AMAZINGLY-hot short hair. It’s so hot. And she is hot. But I am not. I look like Barbie-dyke….so I digress, I used to have great hair. Now I don’t even have that going for me. But I could be a lesbo. #dropthemic

Why do we do as women beat ourselves up so badly?