Family

IMG_2570I was bullied.

Not gonna lie.

In fact, I was sexually assaulted.

Yup.

I was teased, too. And emotionally abused by my sorority sisters…and I’m pretty fucking sure I was date raped. After all, “No means no”, right? Well, it was supposed to. And that was all in my Freshman year at MSU. So, as I watched the Netflix Mini-Series 13 Reasons Why, I was overwhelmed with emotions. The same exact ones I remember having back in college, when I heard that I was video-taped by a frat guy without my consent. Oh, gets better…he showed it to his entire Fall Pledge Class. Ya, welcome to Bullying 101. Or is that Sexual harassment¬†200? Who cares. My life was changed forever. A little piece of my soul, taken from me…without my consent.

But I survived. 

imgres-2Shoes.

Water bottle.

Lulu pants.

Lulu tank.

Lulu jacket.

Lulu thong. And I could stop this blog right here…CUT! If we were filming a TV pilot, or a screenplay…the director would be screaming, “CUT!” Cause I mean, it’s just so fucking stupid how dumb it all is. I’m getting ready this morning to take my boys on a hike in the mountains. Ya, you heard me correctly. A HIKE in the MOUNTAINS. And I yell up to them, “Get dressed guys, we are leaving in 5 minutes…I’ll be ready in like 20!” Holy shit, I run to my room…and I start pulling crap out of my drawers for this day in the woods.

They want to go HIKING with ME! YES!  

images-2My ass is flat.

My tits are saggy.

My arms jiggle.

My kneecaps are loose.

My left pinky toe is crooked.

I mean, is there anything I like about ME?

Oh, ya!! I kinda, sorta…maybe like my legs. Oh, and my hair. I have great hair. NO, strike that! I USED to have great hair, until last week. I went to a new guy that chopped it off and now I look like a fucking dyke. A southern-bell dyke. NO offense gay women. I love you, and one of my very best friends in San Fran is gay. And she told me I could say “dyke”. Although when I texted her to ask, I spelled it “dike” which made her laugh. Ha. I thought it was DIKE. I’m so not a dyke. I can’t even spell it right! She’s a sexy-punky dyke, though. She has AMAZINGLY-hot short hair. It’s so hot. And she is hot. But I am not. I look like Barbie-dyke….so I digress, I used to have great hair. Now I don’t even have that going for me. But I could be a lesbo. #dropthemic

Why do we do as women beat ourselves up so badly?

 

img_0954Scissors, check.

Tape, check.

Paper, check.

Bows, and ribbons, check…

My sanity?

Ummm, lost that today at Target in aisle 2o-something…when deciding which Christmas PEZ dispensers to buy. Shoot me now, people. I am not a sane women. Just put my ass out to fucking pasture, and lay this shit down. Today at Target I was so completely overwhelmed in the Christmas area, I left. But my cashier gave me a chocolate Christmas Tree! That was really nice. I must have looked like a hot mess. Otherwise why the tree? Thanks, Target checkout-person, you made my guest experience extra-special. Yeesh. Why are the holidays so dang stressful? What’s with all the hustle, bustle…and crazy? I think we all just want to make them perfect for our families, am I right?

Well, whether you celebrate Christmas, or Hanukkah….