Dating Sucks

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I have a date.

For Valentine’s Day.

I mean I had a date.

I don’t anymore…

I dumped him.

Whatever, he was a douche. I dodged a bullet! Let me explain, ok? It’s not that hard to figure out…I had a date, with this hottie. He was young, and cute. And we were supposed to be going out tomorrow night, right? But I cancelled. What? Come on…It’s too much pressure for me! I can’t do it. Shut up! You just don’t get it, it’s too much pressure to go out on a FIRST date on Valentine’s Day, ok?! Jeez0-peez-o. I just felt stressed by the whole thing, so I cancelled. I was nice about it, though. I texted him, and said it like this…

IMG_1241I am not angry.

I am not sad.

I’m not mad…

Or bitter.

My heart is tired.

That’s really it. My heart is just flat out exhausted. If you can try and imagine the poor thing for a minute…beating, and beating. Over and over, and over. Doing such a good job. Pumping all that blood around this kick-ass fucking body of mine…day after day, week after week. Giving and giving…and giving LOVE. Just so I can get what in return? Nada. Zilch. A big fat, fucking NOTHING. Well, that’s not entirely true…I got a lot of love. Plus a bunch of lies. My poor heart is just tired. And I can hardly blame it. It’s been through an awful lot over the last four years. And I think, it’s time for a break.

Hey, heart! It’s me, Jennifer….And I’m going to give you a break. 

 

imagesSo, I write a blog.

Big whoop!

It’s been like 2 years.

Aren’t y’all used to it by now?

I mean, booorrring!

I’m totally over it. Which is why I started a VLOG. And it is just a video version of the BLOG. Which so you know, is still my first love. I love to write, but vlogging has been around for like a decade. I’m actually quite embarrassed that I haven’t been doing it all along. I’m a total loser. Do you know how many bloggers have vlogs? Yeesh. I could have been famous by now. I mean, if that’s what I wanted to be. Famous. But it’s not really. I just want to make a living doing something I love doing. Is that so wrong? Fuck, I’m soooo sick of explaining myself, it’s exhausting. And annoying. And honestly, I’m just plain done. Whoever has a problem with me, can simply fuck off. I am done trying to please everyone.

Do you hear me, people?

I AM DONE! 

IMG_8805I sat there.

And heard the words.

And listened.

My mouth wide open.

My eyes filling with tears…

But I couldn’t actually believe it.

The sound that was coming out of his mouth was forming sentences, but it surely wasn’t the truth. And it surely wasn’t for me. There was just no way he meant what he was saying. Things were going so well, our relationship so solid…how was this happening? I listened to him talking, and I tried to breathe. I did. I tried to take in air, but I wanted to kill him. Is that normal? Wanting to reach into the phone, and strangle the fuck out of a person? After all, he was saying things that I clearly hated. NO, he was saying the stupidest fucking shit I had ever heard. He was making a the biggest, stupidest…most idiotic MISTAKE of his entire lifetime and I wanted him to shut his big, fat mouth immediately! But he just kept talking. He did. Why? Why was he still talking? Didn’t he know I was on the other end of the line listening? And he was hurting me…

But he was saying how he felt.