Take the flats.
Crap, no…the heels.
Just throw in the extra pair of jeans.
Do I really need that hat?
Who cares? At least I’ll have them!
I’m clearly talking to myself.
I am like the worst packer ever. I am. I pack it all. Every last thing in my closet goes in my suitcase. I don’t give a fuck if I’m not going to wear it, if it fits… it goes. If it’s not nailed down to the floor, put it in there. “Just in case” is the phrase my family has learned to live by when it comes to traveling, and everything can be a “just in case” item. You never know when that little travel-sized umbrella might come in handy. Just pack it, will ya? I mean, once I forgot my fucking underwear because I was so worried about my blowdryer. Would they have it in the hotel, or not? Take the fucking thing…JUST IN CASE! Put it all in the bag. I even pack my own hangers. I shit you not. Just in case the hotel gives me shit about bringing more up.
Stuff it full of shit. All of your life’s possessions…then sit on it, zip it and leave it there in the hallway until you leave. Your baggage. Yup. There it is. Your life in a bag. A suitcase filled with the most important articles of clothing, and make up…and crap you have, all in a roll-on piece of luggage. And they will measure it, and X-ray it, and maybe even go through it at the airport. They might see your lingerie, or your tampons. You might have some meds, or what not. Personal, intimate…private details of your everyday life. And they are going to be seen by a stranger. A complete stranger. A person who shouldn’t know anything about you. Are you picking up what I’m laying down? Maybe seeing what I’m alluding to here, with my ever-so-perfect analogy?
What about emotional baggage? Ya know, the baggage we carry with us from relationship to relationship? The junk we hold onto that reminds us what we don’t like, or what hurts…or why we lost trust. Why we packed up and moved on. Emotional baggage. The “oh ya, that’s right you SUCK” thing we attach to just in case we need a reminder, of what we don’t want. Just in case.
Well, is there any possible way that the next guy I talk to could please put his “baggage” in the overhead and maybe, keep it there for the duration of our “flight”? Or at least until the second date? And please, guys…I get it. You want to tell me who you are, and I appreciate your candor. The truth is great. It’s sweet. And look, I do it every time I blog. But I am sure as shit that as women, we do not want to hear about the threesomes you and your ex-wife had with the next door neighbor. Wait, I can’t speak for everyone. Maybe some women want to hear that! But not me. Keep that “baggage” to yourself. I don’t need to know about your hours of therapy either, and how she got pregnant with the pool boy’s baby. While she was supposed to be at that spinning class. And how now you can’t look at, or ride a bike. I am so sorry for your issues with wheels. And pools. And women with pools, or bikes. Ugh.
Maybe I’m crazy? Rhetorical. But I meet these great guys, and we talk…and it’s all going so well. And then, they start venting. Maybe it’s me? Do all y’all have this issue with members of the opposite sex? Guys, do you feel like you’re dating girls that puke out their life stories on the first date? Hmmmm. Well, maybe it’s just the place that I’m in. The place WE are all in, being divorced and dating. Maybe we just have baggage. No, not maybe…YES. We all have baggage, and it’s just too fucking bad. No one that is divorced, and dating is “baggage-free” it’s just how we roll. So, I think it’s less about having the bags, and more about when you unpack them. Timing is everything. Too soon, it’s a crash landing…trust me.
My sister talks about this with me all the time, and how I just have to remember that everyone comes to the relationship with “stuff”. Good or bad, it’s all just stuff. Kids, ex-wives, in-laws…what have you. Some of us are still in pain, and some of us are good to go! But the new person shouldn’t have to pay for the last person’s mistakes. I am trying to be better at that, really. And it’s all about how you want to play it. Unpack it. Deal with it. Whatever. So, ladies and gentleman…please be careful removing your overhead luggage as it may have shifted during the flight. Ya, no shit. Maybe next flight, I’ll just check it. If I’m lucky they will lose it…then I will be baggage-free! ;)