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I’m a bad girl.

Bad, bad…bad.

I deserve a spanking.

Who has a flogger?

Or a paddle?

I need to be bent over a chair and smacked on my ass…

I did a very naughty, nasty…bad, bad thing.

I have “explicit text and extreme profanity” along with content containing “adult and mature, or hateful text”. Bad. So guess what happened today? I got the boot. Yup. That’s right, you heard me. The Truth Hurvitz got kicked out of the advertising world of Google, dammit. I got the “letter” to end all letters. I got put in the corner. And let me just tell you, NO ONE PUTS BABY IN A CORNER! Grrrrr. So, spank me. Here, let me hold out my hand, and give me a little slap. No, better yet, I’ll bend over slightly, and you can smack me on the tush. Hot. Nothin’ better than a little spanking to get my night started! 50 Shades of Hurvitz, ha. I swear, I didn’t even waste my time at that movie. Borrring. I need more than just some sexy rich guy beating with a leather Swiffer to get me off. I mean come on. We all know if the guy wasn’t hot as hell, with a whole lotta money, that girl wouldn’t do shit for him. Puhlease.

So anyways, I got my advertising taken away. Jeez. All I did was swear a little bit, and talk about butt-sex. What a bunch of babies. It’s like the Jewish Federation here in Charlotte. Yuppers. They did the same damn thing to me. I swear, no one gets it. They asked me to sponsor an event, their BIG, HUGE Women’s Event. Perfect! Nothing better than the Annual Women’s Event at the Jewish Federation! And nothing better than The Truth Hurvitz, all over their literature. I even had the cutest little nail files made with my logo on them. Awesome, right? Wrong. I got a phone call from one of the women in charge. She was so nice. And proper. I actually dig her. And she explained how my blog was inappropriate, and therefore couldn’t be a sponsor at the event. Ummm, really? Wait, is it cause I say “fuck” all the time, and talk about my fake tits? Or is it the fact that I am real, and don’t hold back? I get it. Truly. I am totally inappropriate. (at times) And I do have a potty mouth. I don’t have any filters. And I bring up things that no one in their right mind, would ever talk about. So, sure.. maybe they were right not to have me sponsor the event. But all y’all? What about the dang nail files…I have like 500! I know, I will pass them out at Jonah’s Bar Mitzvah!

Best idea ever. Every guest will go home with a fucking nail file. To shove up their wazoos. What, you don’t think that’s a good idea? Grrrrr. I’m not in the best of moods tonight, people. And no Kevin, I’m not getting my period. I just don’t get what the big deal is around here. Sara Silverman has a bad attitude. Chris Rock, he swears like a truck driver. Howard Stern. Shit. Chelsea Handler, raw as fuck. They all started doing trashy, smutty…ok, I get it. I am a mom. Writing a blog. Not a star. I’m not famous. Why can’t I seem to remember that? Just spank me. I will be better. I’ve learned my lesson, for Goddess’s sake. I can’t even make any money now, I can’t advertise. I GET IT! I will stop being such a filthy, filterless slut! omg. hahaha. Or will I? What ever happened to Freedom of Speech…

This day just sucked. I need it to be over. Poof.

I am tired. And mad. And annoyed. I want to scream at Google AdSense, “Give me another chance, you haters!” I just think I deserve another chance. Maybe I’ll just write a book. Or take this show on the road. I think I’ll get me an agent. I need to find me some “people”. Anyone, anyone…Bueller? ;)

xo j