The fancy socks.
The supplies, and schedules…and locker assignments.
Omg. All of it.
Its back to school all y’all, and I am ready.
I have never been so fucking ready. It’s been the summer from hell, and I am just about done. All other kids in America go to camp. Ya know, sleepover camp? But not my boys, no sirree! My little darhlins love their momma! And they just want to be with me. They love to get all up in my shit. Oh, shut up. Don’t you start giving me crap. Making me feel guilty…and saying all that gooey stuff like, “You only have them for such a short time.” Puhlease. It’s been 8 weeks of hell. The fighting. The screaming. The arguing. I am ready to sell them to the Gypsies. Or better yet…take them ladies.
I am obviously at my wit’s end.
Two more weeks and school starts. Middle school for both my guys. The routine. Getting up at the crack of ass, and busting their balls to get them out the door. The new haircuts, which are already causing major issues. They spend more time primping than I do. And the homework, and sports. School is back in session, and my life will be back in full swing. I’ll be a slave to the calendar and the clock.
But what will I do with my free time?
Ya know? The 7 short hours I have between the time I drop of the guys….until the time I have to get back in carpool to pick them up? What am I going to do with my life? I can only get so many manicures, and do so much shopping. Shit. Taking a shower, and getting ready only uses up an hour tops…if I dry my hair, 90 minutes. I can do Jazzercise once a day, and get my hair colored once every 6 weeks. And sure, coffee-ing with a friend takes a whole hour! But I think, and it pains me to say this out loud…I am going to have to find a job. Did I just say that? Or something productive to do. I just can’t sit on my ass, and do nothing now that both my kids are out of Lower School, right? I have to get a life.
So, here it is. My big news. I am GOING BACK TO SCHOOL!
Yes, I am. I have decided that I too need to further my education! I am jealous. I want a schedule, and classes, and teachers. I want books, and new kicks. Oh, and I’m totally getting a backpack. I may look like a moron, but I want one. I have an interview with the Dean of Admissions tomorrow morning at Southeastern Institute (yes that is a real school) to enter their Medical Assisting Program! If you don’t already know this little secret about me, I am a doctor. You didn’t know? Yes, I am a doctor. Ok, not a doctor, really…but I think I’m a doctor. “Dr. Hurvitz, paging Dr. Hurvitz…come to the bathroom STAT one of your kids has sliced open a finger, and your husband has passed out again!”
Ya. The story of my life.
Actually, I am a Medical Assistant for real. I worked in many doctors offices in my life, I just need to get my recertification. But I think I am a doctor. And truth be told, if I could have gotten higher than a fucking “C” in Organic Chemistry, I might have gotten into PA school. Whatever. I gave it all up to be a DJ, and I am proud of it. So, every morning, the boys will get dressed for Middle School. And I will get dressed for MA school. I’ll pack their lunches, and backpacks. And I will pack my blood pressure cuff and stethoscope. OMG, I am so excited! I remember when I first started dating Mark, I used to wear it around the house. The stethoscope. I wanted him to think I was smart. Ha. It was purple. And I begged him to let me practice drawing his blood. I have no clue why he said no.
A new beginning. A fresh start. I’m not a fan of change, but this one feels right. I am finally doing something for me, and in 8 months I’ll be a doctor! Ok, a medical assistant…but I won’t be offended if you want to call me Dr.Hurvitz. ;)