I went in to buy a bracelet.

Or a new necklace.

Maybe a pair of earrings?

Shit, I’m lying..

I went in to get something to wear for a party I have this weekend, ok?

Whatever, I went into the store today to shop; I never expected anything like this to happen.

So, hi.

Remember me?

The girl with the blog.

Me! The one that used to annoy you, ranting…and swearing and shit!

Well, I’m back.

And I have to say I’ve missed you. Truly, I have. I’ve been so busy, I’m sorry! Don’t be mad….just accept me back into your life. Don’t punish me like a toddler that misses his Mommy when she goes on a vacation! Ya know, when you got back from a weekend away with your hubby, and the kid would ignore you for an hour? Be all bitchy and bratty. Treat you like shit. Piss on the floor. Oh, sorry, that’s the dog.

Ya well, here I am.

It’s no surprise that I have a whole chapter about divorced dating sex in my book One Happy Divorce. Listen, y’all, you thought you were done with condoms, STDs, getting tested, and all that friggin drama? Think again. You had sex with the same person for years and years and years and years…. It was nice and safe (unless of course, he was cheating but that’s a different story! I hope you got tested, and nailed that motherfucker to the wall!)  Anyway, you get my drift– maybe you had to worry about birth control but not getting a fucking disease!

But now you’re divorced. 

You’re dating! You get to sow your oats again! Play the field! Wheeeee!

But, oh shit… it’s like Sex Ed all over again. I mean, if you’re my age, you PROBABLY didn’t have sex ed in school but I digress. Not long ago I recorded a video for Blunt Moms, about #WhySexEd. It’s an important topic. Yes, we need more sex ed in our schools, but guess what? SO DO YOU. But maybe you don’t need the same kind of sex ed. If you’re a parent, you probably are up on the all the latest horrible STDs anyway. (If you’re not up on the latest, though, here’s a handy video that explains IT ALL. Don’t watch it at work, okay? You’re welcome.)  So, besides the STDs, you also have a plethora of protection to choose from.

How about a female condom?

Or that stupid vaginal film. UGH! (When you read my book, you’ll hear all about THAT one. What a disaster.)

Ooh, how about a sponge? But then you might have this situation:

I mean, really. You probably haven’t thought about this stuff in YEARS. Even if you’re in no danger of getting pregnant, that nice divorced dad you’ve had your eye on could be a veritable petri dish. Just because he doesn’t look like a man slut, doesn’t mean he isn’t. Eyes open, girl!

Okay, let’s talk about the actual SEX. Maybe when you got divorced, you were basically a sexless couple or you were doing super boring missionary every.single.time.  Now, you get to have fun! Reinvent your sexual energy and learn something new. Variety is the spice of life, after all. I mean, you don’t have to sleep with every guy that winks at you but if you’re on a date, and you’re feeling it, GO WITH IT. This is not teenage sex when you didn’t know what you were doing. You’ve got the basics down now, so it’s time to up that sexy time. What you need the most after a divorce is to feel sexy again.  Sex will do that! It can do wonders for your self-esteem. I mean, I can’t promise that every escapade will be totally awesome. There will be duds, I can tell you that.  But mostly, it’ll be fun and you’ll feel great about yourself!  

I’ve got a book coming out soon! Download me reading an excerpt now!

Download some audio excerpts of the book read by ME!

 

-POPI HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU!

Ok, I’ll stop yelling.

I’m just so excited!

Where do I start?

I feel like I need to make a list so I won’t forget anything. Yes! A list.

  1. I’m back with #13.
  2. I got a book deal.
  3. I went to Campowerment.
  4. I got contacts and glasses.
  5. I will be 45 next week.